


The Harsh Reality

by Nova_Kaiser



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Backstory, Blood and Injury, Clash of the Titans Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), F/M, Family Feels, Female Titan Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), First Love, Impossible Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Trost Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), Reader-Insert, Trost Arc Spoilers (Shingeki no Kyojin), Uprising Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Kaiser/pseuds/Nova_Kaiser
Summary: The Trost District is under attack. You and your squad are deployed to deal with the situation at hand, except it goes as expected, until Captain Levi and his squad showed up to save you and your comrades. He was so amazing, you could barely believe you were really seeing it. Something within you sparked, at this very moment, and you made a choice.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 21
Kudos: 100





	1. The Beginning

Those long 3 years of training were finally going to pay off after all. All the sweat, tears and blood- all the relentless hassle that came with it- it'll all be worth it after all.

Trost District was attacked and all the new recruits were sent out, including you. Holding your breath in, you set out and launch yourself across the houses, looking for a Titan to cut down, until your squadron has them all down. The people you just spent 3 years with, getting to know them, were probably all about to die- but you had accepted that already. The first Titan you encountered grabbed two of your comrades and ate them, without a second thought. Most of the others suffered the same fate, as the battle went on. 

  
Eventually, your sector was cleared- or so you thought. Titans were heading for the middle of town and you didn't know what to do- would you and your handful of squad members chase them down? Or would you stay here and save whoever might still be alive from the other squadrons? You were all exhausted- pushed to your limit, both physically and mentally. Just how much more could you take? So you decided to stay here, and defend whoever might need it- even if it cost you your life. 

  
You lost someone else trying to save another person. You watched them get eaten, torn apart by that beast. You wanted to throw up so badly, you hated those damned things so much. Why? Why did they cause such chaos? What did they gain of it? But you had to remember- the Titans aren't capable of intelligence. They do it out of instinct, just like how you survive out of instinct. You fired up your gear and launched yourself by using a nearby roof and swung your blades across it's nape, landing on a nearby roof. The others were safe, but just as mortified. Soon, none of them were going to be left if this kept up. We needed new orders and quick. 

The time we spent thinking, we wasted it if anything. More Titans started to corner us, we simply just met up again, grouped up in a square formation- not the best, but it's what 4 rookies can do best. Our gas was low and we had very few options- run, but for how long? Stay here and hope for help? Maybe let ourselves die? None of these options were good, really, but neither was being born in a world like this. Maybe if you could jus-

"Hey! There's a squadron over there! Surely they'll notice these Titans!"

You turned to your teammate, yelling at us in some form of last ditch hope that we might make it. His plan wasn't good or even sound, but what other choice did we have? 

"And what if they don't? Do we just stay here?"

"Of course not!"

"Then you better have a second plan coming."

 _Great_ , you thought, _now they're fighting each other. As if we needed any other enemy right now._

In the middle of their argument, something flew from the corner of your eye. Petrified of what it could be, maybe some new sort of abnormal, you slowly turned your head, shaking, tears forming in your eyes. Is this how it would end? But suddenly, the sound of ODM gear snapped you back to reality. No, this isn't how you die. Right infront of your squad, some Scout members were cutting down those Titans- without any problem either. They easily slid by and glided across the red Titan-blood sky, taking them down at an incredibly fast paste. You caught a glimpse of one of them- Captain Levi. His stoic expression wasn't masked at all by the smudged blood- you could see the courage in his eyes. He was every bit as amazing as you've heard. 

More Titans showed up, and after seeing the Scouts fight, it gave you the courage to follow them. Perhaps it was reckless, with your almost empty gas tanks and last blades, but dammit it was worth it- to prove to the Captain that you were worth saving. In some unlucky miracle, an abnormal was running head first towards Captain Levi, so you hooked on to a roof far behind it, and swung yourself around. For the first time, you felt free. The air hitting your face covered in sweat and blood, drying it off as you were heading to what's probably either your death or your ticket into being a better soldier, either way it didn't matter. In perfect sync, you jabbed your blades into the beast and sliced it's nape clean off. 

There was one thing, however. You failed to notice one thing. Captain Levi had the situation under control. You were too busy trying to "save" him to realize it, but he was heading straight for that thing. Realizing that you wasted your resources like this, you completed forgot where you were- and forgot to hook on to something else. Watching the Captain's eyes widen, you heard his voice yell out at you. It took you seconds to realize what he was saying. 

"What are you doing?! HOOK ONTO SOMETHING!" 

You finally heard it and snapped back to reality. You were still free flying in the air, and in a desperate effort, you tried to hook onto something else, but it was too late. You slammed into a broken roof, and nearly fell off. You laid there for a few seconds, unknowingly. You felt a sharp pain- one that couldn't be ignored. It hurt so much, but what was it? Did you break something? Did you lose a limb? Were you being devoured? 

You looked behind you and saw the rest of Captain Levi's squad lead your squadron to safety. The Captain himself, however, was heading straight towards you. In some dumbass honor ideal, you lifted yourself up and examined yourself. No broken bones, no Titan chewing on you. But there was a slash in your thigh and you were bleeding at an alarming rate. No time to think of help, you took off your jacket and tried to rip off your sleeve, but no longer had the strength to do it after ramming into a rooftop like that. 

Captain Levi landed about 3 feet infront of you and ran to your side. You could see the disappointment in his eyes- you knew this wasn't going to go well. 

"Captain Levi, I-"

"We'll talk about it later, for now let's make sure you can drag your ass back with the rest of them." 

You tried to pull at your sleeve again, but you were still too weak to get it. The Captain gripped it firmly and ripped it off for you. 

"Lift up your leg."

You tried as you could to move it, but the pain was getting to you- you were holding back your tears and your cries of anguish. The Captain caught on immediately that you had trouble moving it, which wasn't a good sign. He grabbed your thigh from below and lifted your leg above his shoulder, then used both of his hands to carefully tie the piece of cloth around your wound. It hurt- a lot, you tried to hold it back, but couldn't help it anymore and let out a sharp cry of pain.

"You didn't break anything, but you're in no condition to fight. Hold on, brat. I'll get you with the rest of your shithead friends." 

"N-no, Captain! I can still fight!", you tried to get up as you expressed your need to go on to him, but stumbled flat on your ass. He was right, but you couldn't admit it. 

Captain Levi let out a loud, exasperated sigh. 

"Listen, either you get your shit together and just accept that you can't fight anymore or you die right here to some Titan." 

  
Even if you wanted to fight on, it was obvious what was going to happen if you tried, so you didn't insist and dealt with retreat for now. You REALLY made yourself look like a fool now. With shame written all over your face you held onto the Captain, as he brought you with the rest of the injured.

"Captain, I wanted to thank you. For saving us back there."

He didn't say a word and looked straight ahead. _Did he even hear me? Should I say it again? Or is he ignoring me? Well, it's definitively best if I keep my mouth shut. He probably already hates me for trying to play hero._

The rest of the exhausted and injured were arguably in a worse shape than you, but that didn't mean you were in any form ready to fight on. Captain Levi left as soon as he dropped you off, and you were being handled by a few Scouts who stayed behind for whoever needed it. 

You sat out the rest of the fight, and before you knew it, everything was under control again. So, you were rushed to the infirmary, to check on your leg. On your way, you heard whispers of a recruit turning into a Titan, but that was probably someone who just started hallucinating after losing a close friend. 

The infirmary bed was soft, strangely comforting but still cold and distant. It didn't quite feel right, maybe because it wasn't made to tailor to you specifically. Regardless, you fell asleep after the sharp, never ending pain had calmed down. A good soldier's rest. 


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovering from your injuries, Captain Levi pays you a little visit after the fiasco that was whatever the hell you did, just some short time ago.

You woke up sore and completely drained. What even happened? You remember the Titans attacking Trost District and then your squad was deployed and most didn't even make it out of the first wave. Their screams ringed through you as you tried to sleep at night, but it never really sinked in that they were dead and gone. You just couldn't believe or accept it, at this point. Had it not been for Captain Levi, you and your-

Captain Levi. 

How could you possibly forget that? You made a complete fool of yourself, just to impress someone who probably didn't care- to help someone who didn't need it. It's a miracle you ever lived through that and you'd need a damn blessing from Heaven to escape whatever Captain Levi might have to say about your conduct. 

A gentle knock came at the door, then came in a nurse with a plate of bread, a glass of water and a small bottle of medicine. She gently placed the tray down on the nightstand and pulled herself a seat infront of you. 

"Might I see your leg?"

"Oh, yes. Of course."

You slowly moved your leg from under the sheets. Grinning out of pain and shutting your eyes closed as you got into position. The young lady carefully removed the much more appropriate bandage from your thigh and inspected your injury. 

  
"Just as expected, it's gotten infected. That cut surprisingly isn't that deep, how did you get it?" 

"I, uh.. plunged into a roof."

"That's not uncommon for new recruits, just don't be too hard on yourself." 

She delicately applied some sort of disinfectant and wiped it softly with a clean cloth, then took out a needle with some string. No matter how gentle she was, you knew that was going to hurt. The needle pierced through your skin, and came out on the other side of the open wound, then back in and out again. After the third or fourth time, you barely felt it anymore. Probably because the worst was getting that wound in the first place. Thinking about it now, what would have happened if you didn't do what you did? You certainly wouldn't be in this condition, but you probably would have still been forced to retreat somewhere safer. 

The nurse wrapped a new bandage over your leg and gave you a shot of medicine to hopefully numb out the pain, which couldn't do any bad at this point. It was bitter, repulsive even. It made you gag, but the lady simply giggled a bit and left the room. Good thing she brought you lunch? dinner? shit, what time was it? Well, no matter, the bread was enough to give you a little something to keep you going for now. That glass of water was more than needed as well. 

You laid back down, trying to get a bit more sleep. After all, you needed all the rest you could get. Whatever was coming next, well- ugh, no use in thinking about it now. 

As you were drifting away, the door opened. No knock, no warning. In came in Captain Levi, with the same expression as you'd always see him have every time you saw him, for as long as you can remember. He pulled out a chair and pushed off the top of it with his hand, then sat down, arms crossed. 

You lifted your body up and sat down in the comfortable bed, and turned your gaze towards him. He was looking straight at you, into your eyes, perhaps to read into your soul or something. It was relentless, that's for sure. He looked you up and down, never changing his expression. 

"You look like shit. Did that roof really get you that beaten up?"

"I guess it did, yeah." 

The dark haired man sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index. 

"How's your leg, brat?"

You moved your leg a bit, for him to get a better view. Despite being closed up, your wound was still bleeding. The crimson red could be seen through the pure white, eye-catchingly so.

"It's seen better days, but the nurse took care of it. I should recover soon and be able to assist you in battle, sir."

You tried to salute him and held your head high, holding back the pain from moving too quickly like that. Sure, your leg was pretty bad, but that didn't change the fact that you were bruised all over. That broken plank of wood or whatever it was certainly didn't miss you though. 

"Quit the act, will you? You look like you're holding in a shit or something."

"R-right. Sorry, Captain."

"Enough of the small talk shit, why'd you do it? What on earth compelled you to just rush that Titan with the state you were in?", Captain Levi sighed again and held his head down, talking to himself, "What am I gonna do with you?" 

His gaze met yours again, seeping through your soul once more. He wasn't trying to read you this time, more like he was waiting for you to answer his question with a pretty lack luster comeback. 

"When I saw you and your squad make quick work of those Titans, I didn't want to be the helpless rookie stuck on a roof, waiting for help. I guess that's what I ended up being anyway. I just wanted to help you like you helped us."

"You're irritating, brat. That need to stick your nose in someone's business like that is gonna get you killed eventually. Do yourself a favor and look after yourself before you try that shit again. You can't save the world if you end up shred to pieces inside some ugly ass Titan." 

Captain Levi got back on his feet and put the chair back in place, making his way to the door, without as much as looking back at you or even acknowledging your presence. He came in here only to give you a pep talk. Really? That's it? No punishment? No nothing? 

"Oh and do me a favor; clean this place up. It's filthy."

"Yes, sir. Of course, I'll get to it as soon as I recover." 

He reached for the door handle and turned it. Now was your time, you had to ask him now. 

"Captain Levi, what's this about a Titan among our ranks?"

He paused dead in his tracks. It was pure silence for god knows how long. You knew he was probably tempted to simply ignore you and walk out, but that would definitively raise your suspicions. Not that simply standing there didn't, either way, whatever he did now, you knew something was up. 

"Nothing." 

He immediately walked out and shut the door behind him. Whether those rumors were true or not, something was wrong. Very, very wrong. _But even if there was a Titan with us, what about it? It's not like I can do something about it either_ , you sighed and pulled the blanket over you. Might as well just sleep it off for now.

* * *

Some few days passed and you finally tried to move around. Your movements were stiff and unnatural, but at least you could walk again. Without wasting any time, you started cleaning the room you were temporally given, as you told Captain Levi you would. Captain Levi... he was surprisingly kind, in his own way. Sure, he told you off, but it wasn't out of anger. It seemed like he genuinely cared for your wellbeing. Maybe that's why he and his squad came to your rescue.

  
"Someone with compassion like that... maybe that's the key to finding a way out of this hell.", you whispered to yourself, almost trying to convince yourself that it was even possible. After all, he wouldn-

The door opened again, no knock and no warning yet again. 

"How's cleaning, brat?"

"It's alright I suppose. A little hard to do."

The Captain nodded and indicated to follow him, you were a bit suspicious. Did it have something to do with the utter failure that happened the other day? Or was this about the Titan question? He hadn't said a word, just gestured to you to follow. You couldn't really say no, so you limped your way towards him. He handed you a cane, almost immediately. You supposed it was only so it wouldn't take forever.

"So, uh, Captain Levi, where are we headed?"

"Care to join me for some tea?"

That's.. definitively not what I was expecting, to say the least. 

"Yes, of course, Captain."

You didn't speak much on your way down, it's not like the Captain spoke much anyway unless needed to. You sat down at a table, laying out your leg comfortable to avoid any more pain. The black haired man left to make the tea himself, so you took that time to inspect how your leg was. Already a lot better, but then again, you always recovered quickly. It was a bad wound, but it wasn't that deep either. It certainly wouldn't have taken months to heal.

Not even 5 minutes later, the Captain came back with two cups of tea- smelled like black tea. Nice aroma, that's for sure. A good change of paste from all the bread and water. He put down the cups on the table and took a seat, sipping peacefully on his tea. His rather formal casual wear was a bit off-putting, as you'd only seen him wear the Scouts uniform until now. Nonetheless, it was a nice change of pace.

"I thought you might need to get out of that shitty room and talk to someone. Since your squadron is basically wiped out and the others are still recovering from their minor injuries, who better to keep your dumbass company, right?" 

"I appreciate that, Captain. I really do."

He didn't nod or respond, but you think you understood that he heard you. Maybe he just doesn't know how to respond to gratitude? Well, either way, it didn't really matter what he had to say. 

"Now why don't you get rid of that ridiculous image you're giving yourself? No need to act like you have a stick up your ass around me, it's annoying." 

Your eyes widened, pretty much only in disbelief. _A high rank like him? Telling me I can talk to him without all the formality bullshit?_ It was too good to be true, but hey, you took what you could get. 

"Why are you here?"

"Can you say that again?"

"Why are you here? What's your reason for joining the Scouts?"

"Oh, well I wanted to help protect the walls."

"That's it? Why not stay inside then?"

He looked at you- no, straight through you- with disappointment. He was probably thinking that was the lamest, shittiest answer he's been given by someone who survived their first mission.

"Because rotting away on the inside is the last thing I'd allow myself to do. I won't spend my life just sitting there, letting everyone else protect me until I simply just die from some Titan breaching the walls again." 

Captain Levi stood there and nodded once more, sipping on his tea. You bit down on your lip and looked down. Shit, I definitively said something wrong there. 

"You've got spirit, shithead. Here's to see if you can actually put it to good use or just end up as Titan dessert."

The Captain finished his cup and left the table, without another word and simply walked out. He was probably getting some rest or attending some meeting. Who knew? Certainly not you. Besides, it's not like you really cared to know. You got up yourself after finishing your cup of tea and grabbed your cane- wait, the cane. You should've given it back to Captain Levi. Well, too late now. He's gone and you can't really be bothered to chase after him for just a cane. These past few days had been so exhausting anyway, surely he'd understand. You simply opted to walk on your way back to your room, where you laid down and grabbed a book. Reading had always been a side hobby of yours, but you grew tired of it after some time. Even still, a nice read while resting is better than nothing. 

You kept thinking about what he told you. Was he testing you? Was he trying to get some information out of you? It was hard to tell. Maybe he just wanted to make some cheap chatting to get me more at ease with him. It's something you should probably ask him eventually, but now you should just rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i reviewed this chapter like 3 times bc i had the horrible idea of writing it late at night, so there might still be some little hiccups here and there


	3. A long way to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After witnessing your horrible form in training, Captain Levi strikes a deal with you- one that you simply cannot refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't really recall the timeframe between the first titan attack and the next big arc in the canon proper, so this could be a little canon divergent,, well it kind of is anyway lol

You woke up in a cold sweat, your entire body shaking, holding you head in your hands. You slowly curled up in a fetal position, crying your eyes out, as you constantly hear their screams over and over. It's been happening more and more these past few days, maybe reality finally hit you and you realized just how bad things were. All the blood was like a river flowing through you, their lives slipping away from your grasp. You couldn't believe how fragile life was since you've never witnessed someone getting their very soul ripped out of them like that. You didn't even know those comrades too well, either. They were just people you trained with and yet.. you couldn't help it. 

Time passed, you don't know how long for sure, but you certainly stayed there like that for a good while. Eventually, you pull yourself together and just tell yourself that this is the harsh reality of this world. Nothing is fair, nor will it ever be. You couldn't save them and regretting it won't save you. So, you just clean the guilt off your face and put on your usual expression and get dressed. You had already missed a training session because of your injury, you couldn't afford to miss another, unless you want someone to have your death on their conscience as well. All you could do now and head on down to have some breakfast. 

Everything was so lively, yet people's remorse seemed to show, even if it had been about 2 weeks since the breach. Maybe some never really accepted what happened and they probably never will. How cruel is that, huh?

You chose to sit by yourself to have breakfast, though places were pretty restricted. You overheard people talking about that Titan again. You tried to listen in, but it was hard to make out. Some guy named Aaron? Eren? Wait.. Eren. You knew that name. He was the guy that always picked up fights with that other guy named Jean or something. He was the Titan? You could barely believe it. You didn't know him or anything, you only went to training camp with him for 3 years prior to all this. But him? A Titan? How could that even be possible? Should you try asking him? Then again, he's probably surveyed from every corner especially to avoid anything like that. You opted to simply just think that, if you stay alive for a while longer, you'll learn what's behind all this eventually.

Breakfast wrapped up in less than 45 minutes, surprisingly. Everyone hit up their gear afterwards and got ready to head out on the training field. The entire Scouts were here today, well, not like many of us were left anyway. At first, you decided to sit out and watch everyone go. Study their movements and the way they carried themselves. You were especially keeping an eye out for the Levi Squad. They had such elegance and grace while moving around, you HAD to learn from them. A commander came by at least once, maybe twice, to tell you to stop slacking off, but you paid him no mind. Watching this, studying everything, was essential at this point. Learning from the best was your only way of making it through.

You sat there for what felt like mere seconds, but had probably been a few dozen of minutes by now. You lifted yourself up, filled with excitement, careful to not strain your leg. While it had recovered, it was still a little sensitive to fast movements, so you had to make sure to not be too hard on it. You fired out and hooked on to some nearby trees, making sure to not be in anyone's way. You swung around, performing flips and backflips, flowing freely in the air. Getting the basics down of how to move around like that was the first step in understanding how Captain Levi even managed the way he did. After a few loops of that, you then tried your luck and tried to do one of the Captain's maneuvers. You, somehow, forgot to let go of your hooks while spinning around with your bladeless hilts in hand, and dove into a tree. Thankfully you hooked yourself backwards before hitting the barked giant, making your faceplant a lot less rapid. Still, the second you hit that tree, you fell down on the ground, though by some chance, you weren't too high, so it only really cut out your breath for a good 2 minutes. 

You laid there, on the ground, ashamed. How could you mess that up? Suddenly, you heard someone's ODM gear firing above you, going down next to you. You didn't dare to look at who was about to laugh at you. You heard them land on the ground, then making their way towards you. 

  
"Oi, dumbass."

  
_That voice, it could only be... oh no._

The person crouched next to you and you could feel their shadow intimidating you with it's very presence. Yup, that had to be Captain Levi.

"Still alive or what? Did you shit yourself with that fall as well?"

You didn't want to respond or give any sign of life. Maybe he'd let you be if you didn't do a thing. Obviously, that didn't work, because a few seconds later you felt a hand grab you by your scalp. Your face had a scratch or two from hitting that free, maybe a few bruises later too. The Captain looked in your eyes, well more like looked down on you with his eyes, with a look that could only be described as pure disappointment. 

"I saw you dive head first into that tree. Do you know how dangerous that is? You could've broken your neck, idiot." 

"I-I know, sir. I was only trying to figure out how you carried yourself to incorporate it in my technique."

"Yeah? Well, it'll do you no good if you kill yourself in the process, brat." 

He lets go of your head and you lift it up before it hits the ground, then slowly rise up yourself. Hitting that tree the way you did definitively hurt, but you barely even felt it anymore. Maybe you just grew used to pain or something. You look at the Captain's face, trying to figure out what he was about to do next. Never until now you realized how short he was. It was kind of cute, well until you remembered just how scary he could be. 

"First of all, you got it all wrong. You don't keep track enough of where you want to go and how to direct yourself. I recommend you just stick to the regular shit you do."

Captain Levi turned around and started to walk away, readying himself to jump up above to resume his training. You couldn't just let him go, so had to ask for more help. He was the only one who could teach you the way he fought. 

"Captain Levi, wait!"

You heard him sigh out loud. He moved his head to the side enough to see you through the corner of his eye and waited for whatever else you were about to tell him.

"I would like you to show me. How you do it, I mean."

He turned his entire body around and raised an eyebrow. It seems like you caught his attention over that comment. He put his two sword back in their shelf and crossed his arms.

"There's too many people right now. Come here when the sun starts setting down and I'll show you. If you're worth it, that is. Just get used to balancing in the air with your leg's condition for now." 

With those words leaving his mouth, he immediately left. You were amazed at how quickly he could take out his weapons and just launch himself up there. Had to be the years and years of experience, if anything. Watching him leave, you couldn't take your eyes off of him. He was so impressive, it was remarkable. But now you had to worry over whether or not you'd be good enough to be taught. 

You spent the rest of the day training with everyone else, both hand to hand and with your ODM gear. Dinner time was after sunset, way after sunset, but everyone left when the sun was setting down. Well, everyone but you and Captain Levi. He gestured to them to leave, since training was over for today. Anyone who wanted to stay was welcomed to, but pretty much every decided against it. They were probably still having a hard time digesting what happened in Trost the other day. 

* * *

You stood there waiting for Captain Levi to come by you, it wouldn't take him long for sure. In the meantime, you thought a bit about how you would now approach the way you trained like him. Did it have something to do with his constitution? Hmm, maybe not. Mikasa Ackerman was probably just as skilled as him, but she's taller and heavier than him. 

"You ready?"

You heard his voice behind you and swiftly turned around to face him. He looked tired, well, he always does. Maybe you were bothering him after all- but then again, he would've just told you to get lost. 

"Yes Captain!"

You saluted him as a form of respect and he didn't seem too moved by it. Maybe that's because he's seen so many young recruits look up to him die that he would rather not think anything of it. Surviving in this position seems to be more of a pain than anything, if you had to see it honestly. 

"Y/N, was it? Let's see if you're even worth the trouble, damn brat."

He approached you and stood next to you, eyeing you up and down. Probably to get a good look at your condition and see how much you could take from what was probably going to be a pretty painful training session. He crossed his arms and have you that one look, the one where he was just looking down upon you. That couldn't be a good sign. 

  
"I'm ready whenever you give the word, sir." 

  
He didn't respond and turned around, facing the trees. He got into position and flew himself into nature's beauty with such easy. You could hear his ODM gear go off, but you could barely see him. But then, there he was, flying above you, and then landing next to you just as gracefully. 

"The secret's all in how you let yourself flow. Balance yourself around with your hips and keep your body in harmony with the way you want to move. Got it, shithead?"

You nodded and took the same position he had. Repeated the same motions he did, but it didn't even seem to be as fast or as fluid. Maybe you had gotten something wrong? It was probably best to land down and see what he had to say. With a bit of luck, you weren't too far off.

"Tch, do you have shit stuck in your brain or something? What happened to moving your hips around? A damn statue moves better than you do." 

You were a bit irritated by his remark and you probably let it show in your face, because that made him chuckle. Maybe he was just trying to get under your skin to get you to perform better. His intentions didn't really matter, because you tried your luck again. This time you were moving a lot faster, still not quite like Captain Levi. Everything was a lot more fluid and balanced than before, but you couldn't really try to go much farther beyond with the state of your leg. You landed perfectly and waited for whatever else he was about to say. 

"That's probably the best we'll get out of you for tonight. Alright, let's go for another one." 

Captain Levi swung himself high up above the trees and let go once he was coming down, turning to spin around at an incredible speed, taking out his blades. Startled, you took yours out and positioned yourself to block whatever was coming at you. You heard a very sudden but noticeable firing sound and in an instant, the Captain's trajectory changed and he landed right next to you, once again. He didn't seem irritated or angry that you took out your weapons. Maybe he was testing your reflexes. Nonetheless, you repeated the exact maneuver as he did, but didn't gain enough momentum to pull it off completely. So, instead of landing, you tried again and again in a loop probably another 4 or 5 times until you finally got it.

"Impressive, I didn't actually expect you to pull your head out of your ass tonight."

Trying to gain back your breath, you looked at him, gasping, wanting to push out some few questions. Obviously, you still had a long way to go if you were this exhausted. Then again, you had been training that entire day. 

"Captain, *huff*, do you usually do this with rookies?"

"Huh? No, not unless they ask."

"I'm guessing they don't really live long enough to get to that point then."

He didn't really give you an answer to that and he probably didn't want to answer either. He certainly stopped counting the losses a long time ago, that's for sure.

"That'll be all for tonight. Go take a shower, you're dirty as shit."

Captain Levi left without looking back and without saying anything else. You decided to take his advice and go have some dinner before heading into the communal showers. Everything and everyone was noisy as per usual. You once again decided to sit away from everything and listen in instead, except there was more fighting and arguing than any conversation.   
The warm water felt nice on your body, washing away a day's worth of sweat and dirt. Needless to say, it was certainly pleasant. A few other girls were there, but you didn't pay mind to it. It was to be expected, anyway. As the water hit your soft skin, you pondered if you would get to train with the Captain again. Hopefully so, anyway. 

Laying in your bed, this time, you opened a book and read until it was getting too late. Maybe reading something before sleeping would keep all those nightmares away, for some time anyway. All you could do for the time being was hope. 


	4. A new path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the never ending training session with Captain Levi, you are left exhausted and worn out. Though, having some time to relax a bit gave you a chance to talk to some of your former Cadet comrades.

You had the hardest time falling asleep, as if something was keeping you awake. Despite all the training, nothing could put you to sleep. After a few hours of rolling around, groaning in annoyance, you left your bed and headed down to the kitchen. Maybe a simple glass of water would help, what wrong could it do, right? 

You were surprised to see so many lights turned on. It must've easily been early morning by now, or maybe your perception or time had gotten that bad. Your body was limp and weightless while being so heavy. Walking down the stairs had to probably be the hardest thing you had to do today. You've had some problems with insomnia, but it was never like this. Surely, this had to be something else.

You grabbed yourself glass and poured a humble amount of water in it and sat down at a table, sipping on it slightly. Tomorrow- or, well, today- was duty free. Most people would probably head out in town today, as the higher ups discuss what's coming next. The day before that, the new Scout regiments would be assigned. You were still technically just a regular Scout, but you've always known you wanted to be apart of the Levi Squad. So the title naturally came to you, regardless of what others may think. It's strange, most people brought you down your entire life for it, despite being the most admired career. Maybe they were trying to warn you of the horrors you had witnessed, but that was bound to happen eventually. Wall Maria fell, after all. Who's to say everything else couldn't collapse? You were about 15 when the wall fell and you remember the panicked it caused and how the refugees were handled. Thankfully, you didn't live inside of Wall Maria, but it still shocked you to your core. Two long years later, after finally convincing your parents, they managed to pull some strings to let you join them so old. Here you are, at the mere age of 20, with kids 5 years younger than you. It felt so unreal, but it certainly wasn't made up.

Eventually, you hit the bottom of the glass and that marked the end of your inner thoughts for the night. You already felt so much more tired than before, maybe you just needed a bit of air after all. Walking up the stairs, just as slowly as going down them, you noticed fewer lights were turned on. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you for staying up so late, but you could swear some people were definitively still up. Maybe they were just early birds, or maybe they couldn't sleep after what unfolded. Actually, that could just be why you can't sleep, but hell if you knew at this point.

You unlocked your door with what little strength you had left and stumbled your way to your bed. Your head hit your pillow and then everything went black. Next thing you knew, it was morning. You could hear the birds singing and the muffled screams of people downstairs. It couldn't have been later than noon, you could tell that much by the placement of the sun. You painfully climbed out of bed, holding on to the bedframe the entire time, clenching your teeth. Your muscles were really, really sour. Getting out of bed took you everything, but now you had to get dressed. You grabbed the nearest blouse with the nearest pair of clean pants you could find. Sliding them on carefully, you did everything in your power to not strain yourself anymore than you already did. Everything in your core, your very soul, hurt. You pulled muscles you didn't even know you had. Bottoming up your blouse and tucking it in neatly in your pants was about as casual as you could be for today, with the energy you had. You slipped on a simple pair of boots and headed out. While the pants gave your lower frame away, the top was so loose and elegant. But with the way you were carrying yourself around, people would definitively look at you for different reasons than your appearance.

You left your room and locked the door, limping a bit while reaching out for the stairs. You overheard some of your comrades speak around you and so you tried to hurry up, to avoid them looking at you. You could hear footsteps behind you, but you chose to ignore them and looked straight ahead. It was probably just some kid waking up late like you.

"Hey, need a hand? You look like you could use it."

You stopped dead in your tracks and slowly turned to see who it was. A young man was standing behind you, along with his two friends. His striking green eyes left you speechless for a few seconds, as did the suffocating gaze of his other friend. It took you a good few seconds to realize that Eren Yeager was speaking to you, the Eren Yeager. The kid who was supposedly a Titan. You didn't know what to say, so you just stood there, confused and baffled.

"Let's go, Eren. She obviously doesn't need our help." 

You recognized the voice coming from the tall, black haired woman. It was Mikasa Ackerman, top graduate of the 104th. You didn't even take the time to observe the others with Eren, but now that you finally snapped out of it, you noticed Armin was also standing there.

"Wait, Mikasa! Have you seen the way she walks? She definitively does!"

Eren chased off after his friend and left you alone with Armin, who was just shyly standing in-front of you. You wondered if he was also going to leave or if he was just too shy to say anything. You looked back at the pair bickering, then back at Armin. Something was amusing about the whole situation. You haven't seen anyone be this light-hearted in quite a bit and so you couldn't help yourself but giggle a bit at the scene unfolding before you.

"I could use some help, yes.", you finally managed to speak up.

Armin's eyes light up, either in horror or in joy. You couldn't quite tell, but he waved at Eren, now standing a few feet away from you. The pair came back and you caught a glimpse of a "told you so" look from Eren. Really, that trio was charming. Still, you couldn't help but be a bit uneasy. Eren wrapped his arm under your armpit and you raised your other arm around his neck. Both of you slowly went down the stairs in sync, effortlessly so. You never really spoke to Eren back in training, but you could tell he had a heart of gold. Despite all that, the thought of him being a Titan was eating you up inside. You could ask, but that would only cause problems- or anger Mikasa, both of which aren't any good.

After some few minutes of carefully going down those dreadfully long stairs, you reached the kitchen and Eren helped you sit down at their table. You never really ate with those guys, much less hung out around them, but you were willing to make a sacrifice that day. Soup and bread with a side of water, same as always really. You nodded as a thank you to the kind soul who helped you out with getting some lunch and turned to everyone else.

"Thank you, Eren. That was very kind.", you gave him a soft smile as a means to show you genuinely meant those words.

The young man rubbed the back of his head and avoided your gaze, with an awkward laughter. Come to think of it, he probably only helped you out so you and the others wouldn't be scared shitless of him. It makes sense, really. You've heard of what happened in that Court and how Captain Levi treated the poor kid.

"It was Armin's idea, actually. He saw you stumble around and asked us to give you a hand, haha."

Eren sat down after saying that and immediately started to stuff his face, probably to avoid continuing that conversation. You couldn't really blame him for doing that, either. The table got lively pretty quick afterwards and most of your comrades started asking you a bunch of questions. They never really spoke to you, so you didn't mind it too much.

Sasha couldn't help but ask you if you were going to eat your piece of bread, you rolled your eyes and gave it to her. Connie and Jean kept asking you a bunch of questions about yourself, like you were some sort of mystery. Well, you kind of were to them.

Lunch time wrapped up and most people left to go about their business for the rest of the day. You weren't really sure yourself of what you wanted to do, IF you wanted to do anything at all. Your body hurt like hell still, everything was so stiff. Maybe you needed a new trip to the infirmary or something.

You lifted yourself up and started painfully walking towards the infirmary. They kept that stuff in here in case someone came down with a sudden illness or hurt themselves. It came in handy a lot, really. It wasn't too far away, but what would you give right about now to have someone else to help you on your way there.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally reached the door and made your way in. A few people were sitting around, with bandages. Probably all the remaining injured from Trost that had survived, if you had to guess.

  
You asked the doctor present for some help, and they kindly sat you down and ran a few tests. It took only a few minutes, but you hated every single second of it. The doctor sat down and flipped through some papers, then walked to a cabinet full of medicine, grabbed a bottle and handed it to you. The label read "painkillers". So you really did just pull a few muscles. You looked up at the doctor again and they told you to have plenty of rest with that as well, so that's exactly what you did.

Heading back to your room was just as painful, but at least now you had something to relieve that pain for some time. You turned the doorknob and locked yourself in your room, then sat on your bed and opened the bottle, taking two pills as the doctor recommended. You couldn't be bothered to undress or anything, so you simply laid down and fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

You woke up to the sound of people cheering and yelling, and that's how you knew that something was going on. You sighed and pinched your nose bridge, then rolled out of bed and made your way out of your room. Your body already felt so much better than before, though definitively still stiff. 

  
Once you made your way down to whatever was going on, you could see exactly what you were expecting. Eren and Jean fighting it out once again. Another sigh left your lips as you crossed your arms in disappointment. It obviously wouldn't take them too long to be at it again. As you made your way closer to the action, you could see a few people escape the scene, running towards the dorm rooms. Maybe they were getting a higher up to stop the fighting? 

Out of pure curiosity, you watched the whole thing go down. Eren yelling at Jean and Jean yelling back louder. Mikasa and Armin holding back Eren and Krista and Connie doing whatever they can to stop Jean. A slight smile appeared on your face, finding some appreciation in this short moment of carelessness. Some things stayed normal despite it all.

Behind you, you heard a pair of very familiar footsteps. Next thing you knew, the person dashed pass you and made their way into the middle of the fight, kicking down the two boys. You inched your way closer to get a better look and just as you expected- Captain Levi came in to stop the fight once more. He grabbed both of them by the collar and dragged them out, they were definitively in for a scolding they'd remember. Walking by you, the Captain raise an eyebrow at you with his usual bored look. He was probably wondering how you were still standing from yesterday's training or why you were even watching the fight happen. You rolled your eyes and sat down with the rest of them, opting to share a bit of conversation with them for once.

The rest of the night passed by and most of them left to do whatever they had to, but you stayed and enjoyed a nice cup of tea. The warm, soothing drink was relaxing and blew off a bit of stress on your body. You were so caught up in the moment that you barely even noticed that someone was approaching you.

"Hey, shitty brat." 

And there it was. That bored, apathetic tone ringing through your core once again. Captain Levi made his way to the counter and prepared himself a cup of black tea. He looked up at you, with the same bored look as always.

"What are you doing here? You should be pinned to your bed with all the shit you did yesterday."

He grabbed his cup in his signature position and walked over to you, looking down at you with his eyebrow slightly raised. He put down his cup and slowly sat down infront of you.

"I went to the doctor for some painkillers. I could barely even move out of bed this morning."

The black haired man sipped on his tea, then put his cup back down on the table and crossed his arms, gaze piercing through you.

"Enjoyed that little shitfest?"

You were taken aback by that question and nearly choked on your tea. Was he about to scold you as well for just being a bystander?

"It was.. interesting. A lot like training camp, if you ask me." 

"Next time come warn me about that kind of shit instead of just standing there, got it? That brat only causes trouble."

"Eren?", you asked, raising an eyebrow at the Captain's statement. 

"Yeah, that little shit. He's nothing but trouble, so I expect you to keep an eye out for whatever stupid shit he's about to pull."

"R-right."

You sipped on your tea, shying away from his gaze. You knew he was analyzing everything about you, looking you up and down with a frown. Surprisingly though, he got up and slowly walked away, grabbing his unfinished cup of tea on his way out. He turned his head towards you before leaving the room.

"Oh and work on your form. You need to workout more if you wanna keep up with the Scouts."

As soon as those words left his mouth, he walked away. You knew he was right. You were in average shape for a Cadet, but no way near enough to ever be a great Scout. You nodded, even if Captain Levi had left, and finished your cup of tea.

You locked yourself in your room and tried to exercise a bit, but to no avail. Your body was still horribly sour, so you thought it was best to simply try it out in a few days or whenever your condition improves. You changed into something more appropriate and sunk your head into your pillow.

* * *

Nothing happened for most of the day, but this evening was everything. Captain Levi and his squad had already left for some old Scout camp and they brought along Eren and his gang. Whoever else was to be assigned to the Levi Squad would leave with Squadron Leader Hange at once. Hange had been hanging out around that base for quite some time, but they came back here to bring along the newer additions- including yourself.

Some Scouts came knocking at your door and that was your cue. You opened the door and smiled at them, greeting them in the usual salute and followed them outside. There, you joined up with everyone else sent on this expedition. After some short preparations, you were on your way out with everyone else. You gazed around at everyone surrounding you, making sure to remember their faces- because most of them wouldn't come out of this alive, if the Levi Squad's track record is anything to go by. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the manga used gender neutral terms for them so i thought i could keep that energy here,,


	5. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While waiting for your next expedition, you decided to listen to your Captain's advice and work yourself out to finally be up to par with your task.

The base camp you arrived at seemed empty, abandoned even. Which, in any case, was a good sign- means it would be harder to spot them. Your legion unloaded and hid their horses nearby, as Hange commended us to do. We then all reunited at the front door, but before heading it, Hange readjusted their glasses and cleared their throat.

"Alright, here we are. Levi and the others are already inside, try to not make a mess, will you? Oh! And don't be too loud, some people are already asleep."

Everyone nodded in unison and followed behind Hange, inside the neatly well hidden new base. Your footsteps were steady and slow, making sure to avoid making too much noise. As careful as you were, it seemed like Hange stopped caring near the top of the stairs. They gestured to us to decide which room will be shared with who and then entered the room where Levi and the others were all talking. You could hear Hange and Captain Levi go at each other, which made you roll your eyes with a smirk.

You headed shared a room with another girl, one of the very few people assigned to join this operation. We were only allowed to join for a special mission given by Commander Erwin, but we didn't even quite know what it was. All we were told is that it had something to do with our next expedition in a month.

  
Just what did you sign up for?

* * *

The next morning was rough, your body was still stiff as all hell, but the painkillers helped it so much more. Getting out of bed and slowly getting ready was starting to be a drag with your condition, but you managed through anyway. As you were putting on your second boot, you heard someone screaming outside and immediately look at your roommate with nothing short of fear and distress in your eyes.

"What was that?"

"Something happened outside. Hurry! We have to go and quick." 

Your roommate nodded and loader her ODM gear, as you did the same, following behind her shortly there after. Both of you ran outside as fast as you could, getting closer to the screams. You recognized that voice- it was Squadron Leader Hange. For them to scream like that, something had to be really, really bad.

There it was, something you weren't quite expecting. Two decomposing Titans with Hange on their knees, crying their eyes out. You had heard of the experiments that Hange was working on on your way here, but you certainly didn't think this would ever happen either.

You listened in on the Scouts to know just what had happened. From what you gathered, someone sneaked out to kill the two Titans, but why? What would they gain from doing such a thing? You held you chin with one hand and had the other pressed against your hip- it simply just didn't make any sense. From the corner of your eye, you caught a quick glimpse at Commander Erwin whispering something to Eren. Was this planned by him? Or did we have a traitor within our ranks?

Commander Erwin called all of us for a meeting after sunset- to decide on who was going to be apart of the 57th expedition. You obviously already made your mind on your next course of actions, so you stood proudly along with everyone who decided to be a Scout. You wore pride and honor on your face- but deep down, you were scared shitless of what could come next. You could never be ready for whatever is about to happen.

  
You stood there with Eren's friends, as well as many other recruits. The expedition was only in a month, as you already knew, so you had more than enough time to find a way to make a solid team with all of them. 

* * *

The next morning, you sprung out of bed, your condition having improved enough to finally start on a more strict working out session. You rapidly grabbed a piece of bread and a warm coffee from the downstairs kitchen and made quick work of them. First, 10 laps around the camp area, while making sure to stay out of Hange's experimentation range. Then, quick push ups and sit ups rounds. 2 minutes of rest, then 10 laps again. You did this for the entirety of the morning, up until you could barely make your way back for some lunch. An hour of rest by reading a book with a cup of tea, then balance exercises for the rest of the afternoon. Then, hand to hand combat practice until dinner time. After that, some well earned rest for the night. 

You repeated this process for about 3 days that week. It was long and especially hard, but you pulled through. On what was supposed to be a day of rest, you heard a knocking on your door. Too lazy to get out of bed and check who it was, you simply yelled out "Come in!" while looking at the door, waiting for whoever it was to walk in. The doorknob turned and the door opened. Captain Levi pushed the door all the way open and leaned against the doorframe.

"Hey, you gonna stay there all day long? Get your ass moving, brat."

The upper half of your body immediately rose up in surprise and you looked at the Captain with disbelief. Noticing that you weren't wearing much but light clothing to sleep, Levi looked to the side, giving you a bit of privacy.

"I've had enough of watching four-eyes run tests on that little shit. Get dressed and go outside, I'll be supervising your workout today."

  
You threw yourself out of bed and dressed up in your uniform without your jacket, since you didn't see the point in wearing it for just training. After all, you'd hate to get it dirty for all this. You looked at yourself through the mirror while fixing up your hair, careful to not overdo it. You ran downstairs and ran outside to meet up with the Captain.

The black-haired man stood there with his entire uniform ready, ODM gear equipped- everything, basically. It almost seemed like he was about to go on a expedition or something.

"Tch, you were supposed to bring your gear with you. Go back and get it." 

You nodded at the Captain and ran back to go get your ODM gear, setting it up on yourself, blades and gas filled. You figured you wouldn't need it, but it'd probably be better to do it like that than to run back here again. 

You ran out again, this time with what you thought was enough. You were expecting him to tell you something about forgetting another thing, but he instead looked at you with his usual bored expression, with a slight frown. 

"You don't have to wear your jacket out in training sessions like this, but make sure you have it while we're up against Titans."

The Captain subconsciously looked at your shoulder, where the Wings of Freedom emblem would usually be. You wanted to ask him why it even mattered, but you held yourself back. Captain Levi never asked for anything with no good reasons and he certainly had his reasons for such an odd request.

"First things first, you're gonna run laps again. 20, with your gear on, no intervals."

"Understood."

You got in position and started to run your legs off around the sector, making sure to keep the same constant effort and speed, by fear of having to do it all over again. The weight of the ODM gear certainly made everything harder for you, especially with the now increased work charge. That 20 lap run seemed to take forever and you couldn't wait for it to be done and over with for good.   
After what felt like an eternity, you were finally done. You ran back to Captain Levi, panting. You stopped right infront of him, slightly bent down, holding your knees, while trying to catch your breath. You looked up at him, with a few strands of hair falling in your face. He, on the other hand, was looking down at you without a care, waiting for you to compose yourself.

"Get your shit together, we're not done yet. You're gonna have sets of muscle reinforcement exercises now."

You gave him a thumbs up while still trying to catch back your breath, then straightened yourself up and started with pushups. It was still just as hard with your gear on, but you tried your best. You switched from 2 hands to 1 hand. You could feel his intense gaze look down at you as you tried your best. You then moved on to squats, what was basically the only thing that wouldn't make it a hassle with your gear. It seemed to work, however, as you didn't hear Captain Levi complain about it. He simply stood by and watched as you went on. 

That workout went on for probably another hour and you could feel like your body was about to snap. Was this how Captain Levi trained every day? No wonder he's the world's strongest, then. It's to wonder if he's even human at this point, though Titans weren't known to take human form.

"Alright, you can take a break, brat. Take off your gear and I'll make us some tea."

You nodded and sat at a nearby table set up outside and relieved yourself of your ODM gear. You felt so much lighter- you couldn't help but stretch as much as you possibly could. Sitting down felt so nice after the hard work you just completed.

There came back the Captain with two cups of black tea. He handed you one and sat in front of you, legs crossed, holding his cup like he always done.

"So Captain, why?"

"Huh?", he looked up at you in confusion.

"Why did you bother with me? I'm just a regular soldier." 

The Captain looked down at his cup of tea and took a sip, you could tell he was thinking about it. Maybe he didn't give it too much thought before hand.

"That day, when we met. When you pulled that stupid shit, you reminded me of so many brave souls who fought by my side and all met the same end. I could barely even believe you survived that, by some stroke of luck or shitty miracle." 

"So..", you paused, looking down as well, "it was pity?"

The Captain looked up and tilted his head to the side. You expected that same bored look on his face, but no, his features had softened up.

"Maybe."

You looked at him dumbfounded. There was no way, no way in Hell he was helping you for the fun of it. There had to be some reason. You burst out in laughter, unable to hold yourself back.

"Maybe? C'mon, Captain. You can't tell me I'm just an exception."

"You're not. I've done this for others before, and I'll do it again and again if it means losing less men in battle." 

You understood now. It's not that Captain Levi pitied you or thought you were worthless- he just hated to see more and more people be added to his body count. He was a good man at heart, underneath all that cold exterior. You could tell that much. 

"I never really had the chance to ask you before, brat, but why didn't you take over your family's business?"

His comment caught you so off-guard that you stared at him with your eyes wide open.

"How did you..", you mumbled under your breath.

"I wasn't born yesterday. I read your files, you're a good few years older than these kids. You need someone with money to do that."

You looked down at your cup of tea, really unsure what to say. You didn't really have a good reason to leave the bakery behind, much less of a reason to become a Scout. It was all just personal feelings, when it really came down to it. 

"I have brothers, they were going to inherit it anyway. I just chose to follow my heart."

"Really? I didn't know running to your death is something people wish to have over a comfortable life."

You were a bit insulted at his remark, your face hardened a bit, with a very clear frown. He seemed to have caught up on it and didn't persist afterwards. He was just trying to get to know you, after all. No need to annoy you too much now, right? 

"Well, do whatever you want to do. Just don't die on me. I'd hate for all that effort to go to waste."

  
He left abruptly after saying that, leaving you be by yourself on that table, walking away nonchalantly. It's like he didn't have a care in the world, but now, more than ever, you understood it was quite the opposite- he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying to have them become friends and open up a bit towards each other early on since like,, levi is definitively not the type to open up to anyone so easily


	6. A final lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As your time waiting at the base came closer to it's end, you finally became comfortable enough to open up to everyone around you. While you loved every second of it, you would soon learn a very important lesson from your Captain.

About 2 other weeks went by of Captain Levi's supervised training. You woke up sore and worn out every morning since, but it was worth it. You already felt stronger- more prepared for your duty as a Scout. Today was cleaning duty for everyone present, which meant some time to relax a bit. You never had a hard time cleaning up, though the Captain's standards were a bit high to you. You took on the second floor along with Petra, member of the Levi squad, and used this time to get to know your superior a bit more. 

She was quite kind to you, smiling and helping you out as much as she could. You could barely believe such a kind woman had the heart to even follow a profession like this- it seemed like every death weighted her down more and more as time went on. Still, you were glad she still decided to remain apart of the Scouts. 

After a good hour of cleaning, the two of you sat down for a little bit to relax. Captain Levi wouldn't be back with supplies for another good hour or two, so you could afford to simply stand idle for a little bit.

"So does the Captain give out special training to anyone or?"

"Depends, really. When he first took me into the Levi Squad, he insisted in teaching me ways to defend myself hand to hand. I didn't quite understand the point since our job is to kill Titans, but I trusted he had a good reason." 

You nodded and looked down, puzzled by Petra's words. Hand to hand? What for? Did it have something to do with reflexes? Well, you could see it's utility in any case. It certainly couldn't do any wrong.

"Oh, but don't worry. He doesn't do that kind of thing to try to pressure you into joining him. It's more like he'd rather avoid any more casualties."

She reached her hands out to yours and held them down against your knee, giving you a bright smile. She was blooming of life, radiating it even. You tried your best at giving her a soft smile in return.

"The Captain... he's been through a lot, hasn't he? We've talked a bit and well, recently his guard hasn't been as prominent as it was before. I can tell by the look in his eyes sometimes that life hasn't been kind to him."

"I don't know much about him like that, Levi never really opens up. But I know for a fact he carries every heart of every fallen soldier along with him, doing what he can to carry out their dreams." 

"That must be hard. I can't imagine what it's like."

"It is, but we're doing it for the sake of humanity- so that one day, others won't have to anymore."

She was right. This was pure torture and you've only been there for a short few weeks, but you could already tell it wasn't going to be any easier. People like the Scouts had to rise up and fight, or else whatever's left of humanity would die out eventually. The Walls were safe- as long as they weren't breached and this happened twice now. Who's to say it couldn't happen a third or fourth time? And well, if Eren can apparently turn into a Titan, others might be able to as well. Whatever it was, this fight was far from over.

Petra stood up and took her broom into her hands, slipping her cloth over her mouth and nose again. You did the same, since you figured break time was over.

"We should probably get back to work. Wouldn't want to be caught slacking off.", she laughed nervously.

You felt oddly at ease around her. You weren't one to easily make friends with people, but you really felt a connection with Petra. Maybe it had something to do with her kind-hearted nature, something you truly appreciated about her. 

Time flew by as you continued cleaning up, occasionally chatting up a bit with your cleaning partner. Eventually, Captain Levi came back and scrutinized everything you did. He didn't say anything reprimanding, simply walked out with a short "Not bad.", off to probably tell off Eren on his cleaning job again or something. The Captain's neat freak attitude was certainly special, but it served as decent training if anything. Practiced your patience and your perseverance.

You shared a meal with the rest of Levi's Squad later that evening, along with the rest of your team. It truly felt like a special moment in time. Everyone was enjoying themselves, regardless of the circumstances of their reason to be there.

* * *

Your next training session was this afternoon. It had been about 3 days since the big cleaning day, which gave you some time to recover. Captain Levi had eased up a bit on your charge for training- or maybe you finally got used to it. Regardless, it was now less of a chore and more of a moment you looked forward to. You always admired the man- and learning from him felt like a privilege.

You sat on a tree stump and patiently waited for him. He never was late- you just had a tendency of being early. You wore the usual get up- just your Scouts uniform. This time, though, you made sure to remember to wear your jacket. You knew the Captain appreciated it when people wore the Wings of Freedom emblem on themselves, for whatever reason. Still, you wanted to at least honor his wish, even if it was just for training.

There he came, walking up to you slowly, seemingly unbothered by the world, looking ahead of him with the same blank expression as always. No ODM gear, this time. Perhaps today would be a different kind of training? You thought you probably should have left yours after all.

"Hey, [Y/N]. Drop the ODM gear for today. You won't need that shit for now."

You nodded to his commend and removed yourself of the heavy equipment. You then stood up infront of him and awaited his commend. He was probably going to make you climb a tree bare handed or something.

"Today's your final lesson.", he took out and knife and spun it in his hand before pointing the bladed end towards you, "Hand to hand. Well, more specifically, defending yourself. You've proven to me you can pack a punch, but that isn't worth shit if you can't even disarm someone. So that's what we're doing today. Got it, brat? I'm not saying it twice." 

You nodded and confirmed, "Yes sir!", before awaiting his next orders.

He took a few steps back and spun the knife in a reverse grip, narrowing his eyes at you. You remembered the position your eldest brother taught you to take in a situation like this; one foot forward and the other back. Fists held up to your face, looking your adversary dead in their eyes. You tried to match the Captain's piercing stare and you somehow almost made it close to his.

He charged at you, swinging the knife towards you once he got up and close, but you decided to take what you thought was the best measure; avoiding his strikes by quickly moving one feet back at a time and dodging his reach with your body. He was incredibly fast, you knew you couldn't hold this up for much longer, so you tried something very risky. You grabbed his armed hand mid-swing in an attempt to neutralize him, but that proved to be everything except successful. The black haired man kicked your bad leg and locked his arm around your throat as you were falling, pinning your back against him, knife to your face.

"Not a bad form, but you lack experience. Whoever taught you should've told you to always analyse your opponent's strength and weaknesses before trying anything- or else you end up knee deep in this sort of shit."

He let go of you and handed you the knife. You weren't sure what he had planned, but you had a pretty good idea of what was coming next.

"Here, throw your best at me. I'll show you how it's done, brat."

You gripped the knife tightly in your hand and took a few steps back. One foot forward and one back, as you've always known to do, this time with your armed hand behind your other hand- open palmed, hiding a bit of the knife behind it. You ran towards the Captain, making sure to keep your balance with your feet position on your way, viciously swinging the knife at him. He did the same thing as you, avoiding your strikes and sometimes deflecting your unarmed hand, in an attempt to break your guard. You kept trying your best at breaking his guard, without trying to hurt him, obviously. Suddenly, he stood still and waited for your next strike. This had to be some sort of trap, but damn everything you were going to try it- and try it you did.

He grabbed your wrist in one quick motion and squeezed as hard as he could. His overwhelming strength was starting to become too much for you to handle- and your grip on the knife was loosening up. Your face was losing it's hardened, determined look to one of someone who was struggling, holding back some cries of pain. You were more focused on trying to break free- forgetting to use your second hand. Mere seconds later, you dropped the knife and with that, the Captain kicked your leg out of balance, making you fall to the ground and he let go of you. Hitting your back straight down on some dirt didn't feel good in the slightest and you let out a silent cry of pain. Before you could even try to rise up again, the Captain stomped his boot down on your chest, pinning you in place. He leaned in to get a good look at your face- now swirling with an angered look, holding back the pain.

"Tch, that was pathetic. Get up."

He let go of his hold on you and waited for you to get up again. You grabbed the knife and slowly raised up. You took a few seconds to get back into position and rushed at him once more. You tried using both your hands for a forward stab, which he barely dodged, then you swung towards his face with one hand at rapid speed- which he merely leaned backwards to dodge, almost too late. You were letting your anger fight for you- and it certainly showed. The Captain seemed to take you a lot more seriously this time. You reversed the knife in your hand and used both your hands to try to stab from above, but he grabbed both your hands, holding you back. You saw his eyebrow frown and the corner of his mouth raise a bit- was he finally using some of his force against you?

It didn't take long for him to overpower you however and he snapped the knife straight out of your hands, then quickly turning you around, squeezing your arm in your back. This time, you couldn't hold it back and yelled out in pain at the sheer amount of pressure he was exerting on you. You cried out "Captain, stop!" time and time again, but he didn't loosen up. The pain was becoming unbearable, and you thought he'd never let you go.

"Break free, idiot."

Break free? How on earth were you supposed to do that? You only had one arm and- that's it! If you managed to ignore the pain, you could find a way to finally break free. You bit your lower lip, packing all your pain into that one bite. You're pretty sure you felt some liquid escape your lip and roll down your chin afterwards, but now wasn't the time. You swung your arm back back at him with a closed fist, which he just barely caught in time. This sudden and abrupt movement caught him off-guard enough to loosen his grip ever so slightly, so you tried your luck once again. You kicked his knee repeatedly until he caved in a bit and dropped your body to the ground- you slipped out of his grasp, perhaps he let you go to avoid falling down with you. Even still, you broke free and quickly turned to face him, back against the ground, kicking the knife back towards you. You grabbed it and held it in two hands once again, pointing it towards him, backing up against the ground.

He didn't follow you or even try anything else. He simply sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He then reached his hand out at you and gave you an overly irritated look.

"I told you to break free, not to cower away like your life was in peril, dumbass."

You let go of the knife in one hand and lowered it with the other. Your face softened up and you looked up at the man, with something akin to gratitude in your eyes. You firmly grabbed his hand and used his help to lift yourself up back on your two feet. You handed the knife back to him, with a slight smile on your face. He was surprised to even see you didn't resent him for that and let out a quiet chuckle.

"Sorry, sir. I got a little carried away right there. It won't happen again."

"Ease up. You did a good job today, brat. Everything else you'll learn from now on, you'll learn from experiencing it on the battlefield. You'll get your chance in two weeks anyway. Well, if you live through that."

You nodded and saluted him, followed with a soft "Thank you." You never expected the Captain would teach you any of this, but you did understand one clear thing from this- if you ever think you're cornered, there's always a way out of something. Well, that's what you thought this was all about anyway.

"I have to join back up with shitty glasses for more of their experiments. Go take a shower, you're filthy as shit."

"Right away, Captain." 

He turned away from you and walked towards wherever Hange and Eren were. You followed through his request and headed towards the base. Inside sat Petra and Armin, who were just casually chatting each other up. You waved at them with a smile, and they looked immensely concerned.

"[Y/N]! You're bleeding! What happened?"

You looked down and confusion and noticed the blood drip from your chin. You touched around the lower half of your face and felt the warm, crimson liquid slipping out of your lip- exactly where you bit yourself a little earlier. Petra came running towards you with a tissue and gently pressed it against your lip. Armin followed behind her, fear overtaking him.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing. Just some training. But thank you."

You tried to smile at them once more as they tried to make you sit down to check on you, but you told them you were fine- and you just needed a shower.

You hurried up as much as you could, to avoid taking too much time. After all, you just needed to clean the blood and dirt off- that was it.

* * *

The rest of your time at the base was pretty much the same- spending more time with everyone there present. You knew most of the wouldn't make it out alive. Shit, for all you knew, you probably wouldn't either. But you had to follow your heart and take full advantage of your situation, here and now. Letting go of someone here would be painful, but, once you accepted to be a Scout, you knew this would happen eventually.

But for now? You wanted to savor the moment. Enjoy it while it lasted- because it will be over soon. A lot sooner than you would have wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I didn't touch much on the other levi squad members but i felt like petra would be the easiest to approach out of them all so i kept it to mostly her before YKNOW


	7. The Forest of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 57th expedition was certainly going to be one to remember. You could only hope you would make it out alive, to prove Captain Levi you were worth the effort he relentlessly put into your training.

First thing in the morning, Commander Erwin asked every individual squad to review their formation with him. Everyone had strict orders to, in any and all situations, speak of their position and the information they were given. This, at least to you, was obviously to catch whoever was the traitor red-handed. Any other reason wouldn't make much sense.

Then came you and your squad's turn. You all saluted Commander Erwin with your back as straight as The Walls, looking pridefully up at the man. He didn't seem moved at all by the gesture- but he must see it so often that it doesn't really affect him anymore. He invited you all to join him as he explained your mission.

"Your objective is simple; you will pose as back up for the other formations, but you are to merely observe. Under no circumstance must you change your tragetory or engage the enemy. Report back to command at the front once your course is done- and await any further instructions. Only Captain Levi and I are aware of what you are doing. If you spot anyone following you, redirect immediately to a nearby formation and fire off a signal. No one, and I repeat, no one must know of your mission."

You all saluted him once again, yelling out "Yes sir!", as he turned to you to inspect all of our expressions. Perhaps this was a test? Maybe we were the prime suspects- maybe the traitor was within your rank. You knew it couldn't have been you, well.. unless you could turn into a Titan just like Eren and remember nothing of it, but what were the odds?

"Any questions? There are no bad questions, I will be more than happy to answer any of them."

You and your comrades looked at each other, unsure what to ask. The plan was perfectly clear, but why us of all people? Sure, we were basically just backup with horses to avoiding raising suspicion while passing by the other squadrons, but couldn't they get the Levi Squad for this? Unless you were just bait to attract the traitor in question and lure them out- anything was possible at this point.

"I-I have a question, sir. Are we suspected of being the traitors?", a young man in your group asked, visibly shaking. 

"Yes, no one is clear of suspicion. It's nothing personal, we just can never be too sure."

Silence broke through the room. Perhaps they were all trying to understand the implications, that we might be standing next to a traitor. At least, we luckily didn't have to work together or rely on each other. Though, that could be our undoing as well. Everyone else had teammates to rely on- we had ourselves. Whatever happened, no one would really know unless we made it out alive- and that was truly the scariest thing about it all to you.

"Any other questions?"

No one answered. The Commander cleared his throat and followed up on his question, crossing his arms behind his back.

"Then you are dismissed until the mission starts."

* * *

  
About an hour passed until you were all called back, ready to mount to set out. You could feel your heart beating out of your chest- you certainly weren't ready for whatever was coming. Your last mission was basically a total failure, you couldn't afford to fail here as well. Unlike last time, failure meant death now. No one could save you if you got careless.

The signal was given and everyone set out, your group at the back, splitting off in their respective directions. You were given the outer left wing to circle around back to command- it was safe, but also extremely dangerous. If Titans spotted you, you would be on your own trying to dodge them.

Keeping an eye out for your allies wasn't hard, but making them keep an eye away from you was another task. They would certainly suspect something if they spotted you, so you kept a good distance away from them, passing through nearby trees for cover. Thankfully, most of them took out the Titans on their way, making it easier for you to pass through the hoards of those beasts. Being stuck in-between two squads had to be the worst, however. If anything happened, you couldn't signal for help. No one would reach you in time. Somehow, you only ever really encountered 2 Titans while making your way from one formation to another. 

The smoke signals kept you on track on what to avoid- until they started to be set off a lot more. Like some sort of abnormal was making it's way through the troops. You couldn't fire a signal, in case it gave you away, but this repetitive nature certainly had you worried. If the traitor was part of your squad after all, slaying any and all Scouts they came across-

That wouldn't work, though. The ODM gear was good, but there was no way someone could completely wipe out entire sections of formations with it. They would be stopped eventually. At least, you hoped so. This whole operation made you uneasy, if you were being honest with yourself. The mere idea of someone feeding information to a force that was our enemy terrified you. You always thought the Titans were the enemy of mankind, not mankind itself.

  
Lost in thought, you nearly missed the Titans coming towards you from the right. Without being allowed to engage them, you attempted a dodging maneuver, which could either make or break everything. You slipped your the Titan without sweating too much, but still opted to fire a smoke signal to let anyone in the area know that they were approaching. Was this against orders? Yes, but your comrades lives' were at stake here. You spotted a few more signals going off, confirming that they received your warning and you made a break for command. 

After about less than an hour, you joined up with Commander Erwin, ready to update him on the state of things. You really had hoped he didn't see your signal, or knew that you even attempted to break his order.

"Sir! No odd spottings on my way here."

You noticed two of your formation members made it back already, both from center and mid-left direction. No one from the right- which was extremely odd. Mid-right SHOULD be back by now if mid-left was. Unless.. something bad happened to them.

You rode alongside the Commander for a few short minutes, before a messenger came by, informing all of us that the right flank had be wiped out completely and that a Titan was heading towards Captain Levi's position, wherever that was. Commander Erwin gave the order of going through the forest, which confused you to no end. What even would be the advantage? Sure the trees would help, but they reduced your visibility greatly. You and your squad members were strictly indicated to stay at the entrance of the forest, until we spotted the Titan in question. If we were supposed to know without seeing it, it certainly had to be special.

Commander Erwin charged ahead as you and your crewmates slowed down, following from behind. If you didn't feel sick to your stomach before enough- now you certainly did. Heading into the unknown earlier was nerve-racking, but this was some form of torture. Your trip to the forest was painful, very painful.

You and your squad hooked on to the high trees and launched yourself all the way up, keeping an eye out for whatever was to come. Captain Levi's squad came in first. They all looked up to see just what the hell you were doing, but the Captain's head darted towards you for a few seconds. You couldn't tell if he was trying to figure out if it was you or if he was just looking in your general direction. You never really could know with him.

More Scouts came by and some circled around, while others joined you up in the trees. Titans soon also made their way to you, though you had the high ground advantage here. They couldn't reach you as long and they couldn't climb up here- if they even could.

A huge, strange looking Titan came by. You couldn't tell how tall it was, but it was charging full speed towards the forest and that was your cue. If any Titan that fit the earlier description was anything to go by- it had to be this. You squad left in a hurry, cutting off the screams of Scouts asking you what you were doing. If Commander Erwin was still in here, he was probably waiting in here for something. 

You could hear the footsteps of the huge thing approaching, closer and closer. You hesitated to look back, but finally pushed yourself to do it- and what you saw horrified you. It had short blonde hair and no skin, only muscles throughout it's body. You made it full speed ahead, doing everything in your power to avoid being caught by that damn thing.

Captain Levi's squad was straight ahead of you. You thought of warning them, but reminded yourself that they were more than capable of handling themselves in all this. You had to go over them regardless of whether or not you warned them. Besides, your presence was probably all the warning they needed with the echo of those footsteps. Just to amuse yourself a bit to calm down your anxiety, you thought you could show off in front of the Captain- just to prove to him you DID remember everything he went through the trouble of teaching you. You positioned yourself to pick up some speed from diving, then aimed back upwards, performing a few flips on your way, gliding from tree to tree. Once you spun around in front of the group, you let your ODM gear go, making you fall free, spinning on yourself only to wink at Captain Levi, then launching yourself ahead once more. You could hear his annoyed tone in your head saying "Stop showing off, shithead." and you couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. It wasn't much, but this definitively calmed down your worries- despite it's dangers.

You approached some sort of opening in the thick woods, but there weren't any Scouts in sight. Were they hiding? You stopped dead in the middle and looked around you, inspecting every corner. You noticed some sort of canon- multiple, in fact, all in different corners of the clearing. You brought yourself closer to one and hid behind it, along with some other recruits. They filled you in on what's happening- they were going to hook unto the Titan to neutralize it.

You could barely even believe it. The entire expedition was only to corner the traitor- who's apparently a Titan, no less. You couldn't even fathom how the higher ups figured that out, much less how they relied on that traitor showing up here. They were probably drawn to something, or someone. The only person you could think of was Eren, since he was special or something.   
You waited, hidden, for some time. Then the signal was suddenly given and the canons fired off, immobilizing the Titan in place. You peaked your head out to see it and, to your surprise, it actually worked. The Titan was standing right there, completely immobilized. Captain Levi soon joined up with Commander Erwin and both of them discussed something you couldn't quite make out. You kept starring at the Captain, amazed at how calm he was, standing on top of a Titan- provoking it, no less.

You couldn't hear what the Captain was saying, but it clearly upset the Titan. It screamed out, calling in other Titans, who all jumped on on it to eat it alive. You just couldn't believe it. Whoever the user was, they were incredibly smart. That, or they've had this power for a while, because there's no way that's a mere abnormal. 

Panic ensued and no one knew what to do. Captain Levi readied himself to chase after the user, but everyone else stayed here, completely speechless. Captain Erwin gave us the order to take down all those Titans, and you didn't miss your chance. Now was your time to put your training to work. Gliding along with the wind, you made your way to the multitude of Titans and easily cut the nape of a few of them, dancing along elegantly in balance with yourself. You couldn't deny that you were scared shitless after last time, but you somehow convinced yourself that you were in control this time.

With the joined efforts of everyone, it didn't take long to take down the remaining Titans. We had to quickly gather and leave, some were to aid the Captain in chasing down that thing, some were to try and find some survivors.

Before you took off, you saw a strange lightning strike up ahead. You couldn't tell what it was exactly, you've never really seen one quite like that before. A second one led up not too late after and you could hear the rumble of some impact. Like something massive fighting something else against the trees, creating a lot of noise echoing through the forest.

Everyone stood by, unaware of what was happening, but eventually a few figures came back. Commander Erwin immediately ordered a search through the forest, to find the wounded and dead. You didn't waste any time and followed through with his orders. Dead Scouts were hung around in the trees, some of them flattened on the ground. Most of your comrades opted to take the lesser messy ones up top, so you decided to sacrifice yourself and check out the ones on the ground. Just by looking at them, you knew nothing could even be retrieved with the time you had. You skipped ahead a bit, slowly looking around and notice someone familiar against a tree. You stop dead in your tracks, feeling your stomach sink and lower yourself to the ground once more. Looking around you, you notice something that isn't right. Some of those bodies were members of the Levi Squad.

It couldn't be, there was no way that could even be possible. How couldn't they handle that Titan? Was it really that strong? You spun around, looking everywhere around you, but your eyes kept being drawn to the person against that tree. You swallowed your own spit, trying to calm your fears and made your way closer- only to have your worst fear realized. The person compressed against the tree was Petra. The kind woman whom you had just spent a month with, the first person you felt like you could've called something akin to a friend within the Scouts.

You dropped to your knees, sobbing and hiccupping, profoundly confused and hurt. You bent down, holding on to yourself tightly, trying to not let out a scream of horror. You were shaking, you felt like you were just about to throw up and roll on the floor crying. You didn't even know her that well and you had seen death by now- you had lost people close to you in the past. So why this reaction now?

Lifting your head up to look at her once more, you saw nothing but emptiness in her eyes, with her head clocked back from what's probably a broken spine. You could feel and hear your breath staggering, unable to control any of your thoughts.

"Don't. You'll regret it."

You turned around to face the voice speaking to you and standing behind you was Captain Levi. His hair was brushing against his face, making it hard to see his eyes. He walked closer to Petra's body and took out one of his swords, carving out the badge on her shoulder. You looked at him, tears in your eyes, ready to escape and roll down your cheeks any second now and slowly opened your mouth.

"Captain, she-... if only I had..." 

The words couldn't quite leave your mouth. You didn't even know WHAT to say to any of this. You didn't even expect him to acknowledge you, so you lowered your head again, looking at the ground. Your face was rushed by a sudden wave of anger mixed with sadness and the tears fell out of your eyes, hitting the blood-stained ground.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and looked up again, tears still rolling out of your eyes. Your expression let up, now more of a mix of completely confusion and sadness. Captain Levi was standing next to you, holding your shoulder. You could see him try to find the right words, but it seemed to take like an eternity before anything came out.

"She made her choice. They made their choice. There's nothing you can do to change that, no matter how much you regret what happened. You can trust them and their actions, but you can never know what will happen."

Holding on tightly to her emblem, he let his hand slide off your shoulder and glided off to visit the rest of this dead squad members, as well as regular Scouts, carving out each ones of their emblems. Perhaps this was his way of paying respect to them or to remember them, but his words encouraged you to lift yourself up and finish your job.

You helped the rest of the Scouts load the bodies and sat on a horse with someone else, since quite a few of them got lost along the way. Everyone headed out of the forest in a rush, since you were once again being chased by Titans. Trying to fight them would only endanger more people and make it even harder to come back to base, behind the walls.

Suddenly, you heard two Scouts yell behind you and you turned to face them. They were way behind, carrying a body. They argued with Captain Levi, insisting to keep the corpse, which only resulted in one of them dying. That was enough for the other guy to get the message and leave them both behind. Though, thanks to them, the Titans were now gaining on the carts carrying the dead bodies that you all went through the careful trouble of collecting.

You never expected Captain Levi to give the order to drop them. You couldn't even understand why, what was the point. Well, not until you remembered how everyone who knew him described him.

  
_"I don't know much about him like that, Levi never really opens up. But I know for a fact he carries every heart of every fallen soldier along with him, doing what he can to carry out their dreams."_

  
It's not that he didn't care for the dead- it's that he already carried their dreams and wishes with him. Everything they've ever wanted is now his to carry out, so whether or not they had a body to show- it didn't matter, because their sacrifice will mean something. They will be remembered. Jut now, you felt like you finally understood something important about Captain Levi; he truly cares. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a lil bias bc i liked petra in the anime so i kinda wanted to give her some more time to shine here, but yes this will be relevant later on


	8. Sworn by Hearts of Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just before the next battle for humanity's sake took place, you decided to visit the Captain's office in the morning's early hours. With some sort of resolve, you made a promise you refuse to break.

You knocked softly on Captain Levi's door, letting him know of your presence. You nervously fiddled with your fingers, unsure what to even expect. He probably wasn't in any mood to talk to anyone. You took a deep breathe and turned around, thinking about how pointless this effort might all be. You make your first step away from the door, but hear a muffled "Come in." behind you. In an almost immediate response, your body pivoted towards the door and you reach out for the handle.

Making your way inside the Captain's office, you tried to remember everything you wished to tell him. Carefully closing the door behind you, you then turn to face him, giving him your best salute. In almost an instant, you remembered Captain Levi mentioning to you that he wasn't too fond of you acting so, as he says it, "like you have a stick up your ass". You took a more natural and casual stance, looking at him as he slowly raises his head from his load of paperwork. 

  
"Did you need anything?"

"I heard you were injured, sir. I simply wanted to come wish you a good recovery." 

He tilted his head in intrigued and lifted his eyebrow slightly. He probably wasn't expecting that at all, from anyone really. He looked down at his work and continued to fill in more papers. It felt like he was paying you no mind, but you knew deep down that he was just waiting for whatever else was to come out of your mouth.

"You know, brat, there are better ways of showing off than the way you pulled that shit. That was reckless and incredibly stupid. I thought we were over this dumb bullshit already."

Confusion ran across your face. Was he talking about your stunts? You didn't ACTUALLY expect to get in trouble for that.

"I.. apologize, Captain."

You were still overtaken by surprise by everything that had just come out of his mouth that you didn't even know how to answer to any of it. You heard him sigh and then came up his head again. He sat more lazily in his office chair and looked at you with a blank expression. 

"You're lucky to have made it out alive- and I'm thankful you did. We didn't need more casualties."

It seemed cold, his words always seemed so distance, but you knew what he meant by it. He was just glad you somehow lived through all of that, and really, so were you. The horrors you witnessed, the thought of a traitor, everything about that mission was horrible.

But even still, the mention of casualties brought back all the pain you have been repressing. And it probably showed on your face more than you meant to. The images of the Levi Squad- of Petra- still haunted you every time you closed your eyes. 

"My condolences, Captain Levi-" 

You lowered your head, clenching your fists, shaking. You weren't mad or even upset, you were just trying to repress the sorrow in your shaky voice. Now wasn't the time to look like a weakling who crumbles at every loss.

"- I can't begin to imagine the pain you felt-"

You bowed down and held one hand on your heart and the other on your knee, kneeling your head down.

  
"Therefore, from this day forward, I swear my life to you. Not as a poor excuse to sacrifice it, but as a promise to make it out alive regardless of what happens."

Silence filled the room. Not the cold, uncomfortable kind, far from it. Though you couldn't see it, you knew Captain Levi was looking at you in disbelief. The shock on his face had to be a sight to behold, that's for certain. Well, whatever shock he could ever show on his usual bored look.

A few more seconds passed and you slowly lifted yourself up again. Still no words, so you began to worry that maybe the Captain was acrtually upset at what you had just said. Then again, he didn't call you a moron yet. You looked at him one last time before leaving and sure enough- a mix of confusion and shock could be read in his eyes. You turned for the doorknob and grabbed it, turning it to the side and opening the door. You set one foot out slowly.

"Thank you, [Y/N]", he paused shortly, "give them hell, brat."

_Of course he knew about Commander Erwin's plan_ , you amusedly thought. You walked out and closed the door behind you and took another deep breath, now making your way towards your next mission. 

* * *

Commander Erwin's plan was simple, but pretty risky. Too risky for your taste, as a matter of fact. It all relied on whether or not the traitor was willing to follow you around. Annie Leonhart, of the military police, was the prime suspect.

Jean had to take Eren's place to be brought to the Capital and Annie would help the trio snuggle Eren around Strohess District under that prefix. If our intuition was wrong and Annie wasn't the traitor, something horrible would probably ensue. If she was? Probably something just as bad.

You were tasked to evacuate the citizens unwilling to help our plan out of the city, somewhere safe. You wouldn't be seeing any action, or at least you weren't supposed to, which was kind of a relief. You had your fill of battles for at least a few days now.

* * *

Evacuation was just a lot of protocol stuff. Telling townsfolks to please listen to your instructions, guide them towards the safe point, reassure every overly alarmed individual- as dull and boring as it was, at least it wasn't fighting more Titans. Being on escorting duty, you didn't need to wear anything to hide your face or uniform, so your Scout badge was on full display for all to see. Some people looked at you like you were the cause of their every problem- and others looked up at you like you were some sort of savior. You tried to keep your head up as much as possible, despite all the overwhelming questions. 

"Do you think I could be a Scout just like you?"

"I want to be a hero just like you!"

"What do Titans look like?"

Children with innocence far greater than their dreams could ever achieve would bombard you with questions about being a Scout. At this point, you didn't know if you preferred the hate over this overblown admiration. 

Things went smoothly, until you saw a lightning strike in the distance and you knew just what it meant. People started to be alarmed, running and screaming. The Military Police wasn't too far off having the same reaction, considering they didn't know what it was. You knew more than well enough what it meant, however. You rushed over to your division's person in command and asked if you could patrol the area to see if they were coming any close. He gave you the okay without any hesitation and you didn't waste any time.

Perched from up on a roof, you watched the battle from a long distance. You had never seen Eren's Titan form, much less Annie's. You were in complete and utter shock- never in your life had you ever seen anything quite like it.

You watched in horror at the mere destruction power for a few more minutes than continued on your way, getting closer to see how quickly they could make it to your sector. They were still far away enough, heading in a different direction. You fired a smoke signal, letting the operation commander know of the status. No reply meant he received it and nothing bad was happening, so you took matters in your own hands and headed to get a closer look at the battle.

The Titans were absolutely demolishing everything in sight. Entire streets were flattened, reduce to nothing and so were the unfortunate souls who didn't have the time to make their way out. Still keeping a safe distance, you jumped down unto the streets and yelled out for any survivors. 2 children came out of a house mostly in shambles, crying that their father was stuck under the new ruins. You ran towards the house in question and walked in, trying to locate the man in question.

"Sir, if you can hear me, I'm from the Scout regiment. I'm here to help you get out of here."

You carefully walked around, waiting for some sort of response. Underneath two broken wood planks and a few bricks, laid an unconscious man. You could only hope he was still alive as you carefully pulled him from under the debris. Any attempt at getting a response from his failed. You checked his heartbeat, just as a safe measure, and it was dead silent. You could only hope he died on impact. 

You took the two children with you, one of your back and the other in one arm. Gliding around like this wasn't easy at all, but you managed somehow. You brought them both back to an exiting point, where they were safely evacuated. Without haste, you jumped closer to the fight yet again.

Eren finally seemed to get the upper hand on her, but they were moving away too far away for you to even approach them safely anymore. You couldn't venture out of your sector too far. Still, standing on a roof just wasn't going to help anything.

The streets were stained in red and they smelled like nothing but death and agony. Everything about them was miserable, but you still tried to call out for survivors, yet no one answered. You sighed looked at the sound of chaos in the distance again. Surely, it wouldn't make a difference if a Scout left, right? 

You had no intentions of engaging in anything, but you could still try to find some people that needed to be evacuated on your way.

There was not a soul left anywhere, however. Most of Stohess was completely deserted, like a ghost town. Still looking for more survivors, you realized the sound of fighting had stopped. Either Eren failed or he was somehow able to stop Annie. Now was good as any time to go figure it out. You sped through the streets, maneuvering around to pick up speed to where you last heard the sound. 

Sure enough, the battle was over. From a distance, you saw Scouts gathered around some huge crystal, with Jean picking at it with his sword. Just what the hell was that thing just standing there? Making your way closer, you realized a person was in that weird jewel looking thing. You set foot on the ground and walked closer to what was going on, confirming that the person inside was Annie Leonhart.

* * *

Commander Erwin tried his best to make a case that whatever had happened here today was for the right step into understanding Titans and eradicating them. As some sort of cruel payback, the mayor found a way to get the Scout regiment to patrol the streets, well, more so to clean them of all the stacked up bodies.

A few hours had passed since the attack on Stohess and the smell of rotten corpses could already fill the air. You were on identification duty, counting every Scout, Military Police and townsfolk body, trying your best to discuss with witnesses or relatives of their identity. If there was a job more painful than heading out on useless expeditions- it had to be this one. At least on the field, you didn't have to count everyone lost.

The whole operation took hours as the higher ups were making a case of what to do with Annie and her new shell. You were relieved of your field work when the sun was setting down, but you still had to fill in endless amounts of paper work. Grabbing yourself something to eat, you made your way to your personal quarters and filled in the official death certificates of everyone who could be identified. This job would never normally go to a simple Scout member like you, but everyone else working for that district was too busy tending to the wounded, so burden was now yours.

You don't know how long it took, but you handed it all in well into the night. The moonless sky filled your room, invading it with the night's darkness. You sat idly by on your chair, looking out.

"Just how many more will there be?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes the title is a word play shh 
> 
> ALSO i know it took some time to put this one out but aaa college


	9. A Bite of Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the mess that was yesterday's event, the Scouts were left confused and angry at what had unfolded. Most couldn't believe what had happened, but thankfully, you still managed to do something to brighten this duty free day.

The sunlight shined through the still window panes, blooming the morning across your private quarters. Your eyes slowly opened, looking up at the ceiling, sun piercing through your sight, you realized you had fallen asleep on your chair at some point during the night. You were still fully dressed in your dirtied and bloodied uniform, filth now dried up. You sighed in annoyance as you picked yourself up and stretched, trying to brush off the uncomfortable feeling in your body from falling asleep on something so hard. 

You walked out of your room and made your way to the community showers, still fully dressed in your same uniform. You'd very surely get looks from the other Scouts, but, at this point, you cared more about washing away everything from yesterday than anything they had to say. Few people were here, which seemed like a saving grace after all. You undressed and stood under the hot, steaming water, rubbing your soft skin with delicate soap. The feeling of your hardened hands against your skin felt strange, like something wasn't quite right. This new way of life had changed you beyond any expectations you could ever have.

After 10 minutes, you decided you had enough and stepped away from the warm and welcoming water. While drying yourself off, you decided to look at yourself in the mirror, intrigued at what could have even changed so drastically about you. Everything was normal, for the exception of that scar on your thigh. It wasn't small, far from it. The cut might've been shallow, but it still left an impressive imprint.

"It's not that bad, don't worry."

You jumped in place, shaken by the soft voice you heard near you. In your time busy observing yourself, you failed to even realize Krista was standing near you.

"Oh! Sorry! I didn't mean it to come off like that. I wasn't looking at you, I swear!", she blurred out in a hurry, in an attempt to save herself from coming off as creepy. 

"It's no problem.", you wrapped a towel around your frame and carefully tried off your hair with another, "We're two women anyway, nothing weird about it." 

A slight smile came across her lips, along with a sigh of relief. You couldn't help but smile as well. Her soft and delicate nature was rubbing off on you, it was beyond your abilities to resist.

"Will you join me? For breakfast, I mean."

"Of course, Krista.", you smiled again.

Ymir was standing by the door, back pushed against it. You only noticed her from her grunt of annoyance at your conversation with Krista. You looked at her and raised an eyebrow, then looked back at Krista. 

"What's gotten into her this morning?"

"Oh, nothing at all! She's just waiting for me to go join the others." 

You nodded and began dressing yourself. You slipped on the usual under clothing, but decided to make a little change from the usual pant and blouse combination. You adjusted a knee length skirt to your waist and added a delicate sleeveless collared shirt, adding your favorite necklace- a gift from your older brother. \

You tagged along the two young women and followed them to go sit together for breakfast. The others were already there. All greeted you with a good morning as you sat next to them. There was no conversation at the table, however. Most people remained silent. 

Reiner and Bertholt were sitting right infront of you, looking down at their meals. You bit your lip trying to think of something to tell them. They were friends with Annie, after all. How could they feel after learning about something like that? The two young men held their heads down in shame, you couldn't help but to feel bad for them.

"Annie was your friend, right?"

Reiner and Bertholt looked up at you, expressions completely mixed- you could pick up on confusion, anger, sadness, as well as disgust. It was a stupid question to ask, but you just wanted to find some form of right word for them.

"Yeah", Reiner spoke up, dropping his head down again.

You looked down as well. You talked to them, but now what? You were never close or anything. Shit, you probably made everything worse by asking anything at all.

"I'm sorry.."

Reiner stood up and walked next to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. You didn't need to look at him or anything, you knew what it meant. He was trying to tell you it wasn't your fault and to just let it be. You nodded, and looked up at Bertholt. He also soon after followed behind his friend and the two of them left to who knows where.

Everyone else seems to have noticed what happened and tried to brush it off, probably for everyone's sake. For a first duty free day in a while, it had to be the most depressing you've had. Half the Scouts were allowed to rest today, tomorrow it would be the other half. You couldn't spend the day just simply standing there either way. 

"Hey, since some of us aren't on duty today, who would like to join me? I was about to go in town, if anyone is interested."

The table went silent for a few seconds, everyone looked at each other unsure what to answer. It was a bit alarming- no, really concerning. Though, having a traitor among the Military would have that effect.

"I'd love to come, but I'm still on duty today.", Krista smiled, obviously pushing it. 

"I have better things to do.", Ymir scoffed out, getting up and leaving. She was never really one for any type of group activity anyway. 

You turned to Jean and Connie, who were still unsurely looking around them. They looked at each other, then the others, then Sasha.

"What about you two?"

Your voice was soft, as you pushed a smile on your face. You tried to calm them down a bit, perhaps to ease out their answer as much as possible. You didn't expect them to even consider it, but it was still worth a shot.

"No thanks, I'm not feeling well.", Connie stood up, with the most distraught look you've ever seen on his face, "If you'll excuse me."

He left just as suddenly. You turned to Jean and waited for either a confirmation or a much more expect decline. He seemed so out of himself today, though it didn't shock you at all from witnessing his outbreak yesterday.

"I'll have to pass on your offer."

Just as the other guys did, he left the table. You sighed and turned to Sasha, waiting for her to even notice your presence at all. She was so preoccupied by the food infront of her that she didn't even notice that most people had left. 

"Wait.. where did everyone go?"

She swallowed and looked around her confused.

  
"They all left."

"Oh."

She continued her meal, still confused as to what even happened while she was distracted with the food infront of her.

"Would you like to join me, Sasha? My parents own a nice bakery just outside of the Capital. I cam bring you there, if you'd like."

Her eyes lightened up and she nodded rapidly. Engulfing whatever was left of her meal infront of her, she hurried up to leave as soon as possible. You shook your head, but still giggled at the sight. No matter how dark things get, she was always there to lift our spirits by just being herself. 

* * *

The two of you left soon there after and decided to walk all the way there, since you didn't really have much else to do that day. The Capitial looked the same as always- full of rich assholes thinking they're better than everyone for living so far in the walls. Even still, the silent whispers of rumors could be heard all around you. Stupid stuff about the Scouts just being a bunch of Titans secretly, the Military being filled with traitors and corruption. Though, it was nothing new for you at this point. 

"So Sasha, where are you from?"

"Oh, I lived outside of any town or village within the walls. Just in a quiet house in the middle of the woods."

"Really? Does that mean you grew your own crops and hunted to survive?"

"Yup! It's how I learned archery."

You were sort of impressed. You heard of people living like that, but didn't even know it was a reality. Still though, you were interested in knowing more about that sort of life.

"Rich merchants and nobles often went on trips like that. Hunting was like a sport to them, they probably thought no one actually did it to survive."

Sasha looked at you confused, raising an eyebrow. She stayed silent for a few seconds, walking alongside you.

"How do you know so much about them?"

"Oh, well, I lived most of my life just outside the Capital. My parents' bakery is some passed down thing from generation to generation. I guess it earned a name for itself and it's just well known enough to get all sorts of people."

"Woah, that's impressive. So does that make you a big deal or something?"

"Huh? Not really, I suppose.", you scratched the back of your head and looked away, kind of flustered.

You kept your conversation going as you walked closer to your family owned business, growing closer and closer the more you talked. Sasha might have been a bit of a airhead, but she was definitively interesting to be around. You enjoyed her company more than you could ever express.

You stopped infront of some nice-smelling, good-looking building a few street corners outside of the Capital's limits. You took in a deep breath and opened the door. You hadn't seen your family since you joined the Cadets, so you couldn't help but be nervous. What would they even say.

Sasha and you walked in. She was immediately jumping around, completely losing it at basically everything. She was looking at everything, smelling at everything. If she was having a bad day prior, this certainly fixed it. You steadily stepped closer to the counter, the bell having already announced your presence. A man behind the counter turned around and faced you. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. 

"[Y/N]... is that you?"

"Yeah..", you swallowed your own saliva, "Hello, father.." 

He practically jumped over the counter and ran to your side, holding you tenderly in his arms, squeezing the air out of you.

"Oh, my sweet daughter. Your mother and I were worried sick about you. Every day, we thought you would come back like.."

He stopped. He let you go and looked idly at the ground. Subconsciously, you did too. No words needed to be spoken after that, you understood what he meant. Exactly what he meant. You clutched your necklace, rubbing your thumb against it.

There was a brief pause, yet Sasha was still running everywhere, not noticing the tension in the air.

"I see you brought a friend."

"Yeah, we were off duty so I thought I might say hi."

"Well, I'm glad you did."

Your father looked at Sasha and smiled. Her energy definitively rubbed off on him, lighting up his spirit. He walked behind the counter and waited for any order you might place.

"Is mother here?"

"I'm afraid not. She went out earlier with a few friends. I'll let her know you came by, though."

"Thank you.", you smiled ever so slightly. 

"The usual, sweetheart?"

You nodded, then waited for Sasha to snap out of her food trance. You noticed your father threw in a few more pastries than usual, which made you raise an eyebrow.

"Oh, come now. It's on the house- bring some for your other Scout friends, will you?"

You crossed your arms and rolled your eyes, side smile creeping up on your lips. Your father's kind nature never changed, nor did you ever want it to. Sasha came back running in front of you, then turned her head back and fourth between you and your father. You sighed and stepped closer, wrapping your arm around her shoulders.

"Just give her our special."

You said your goodbyes to your father and left with Sasha. The second you stepped out of the shop, she was already stuffing her face like a crazed animal. That mere sight was enough to make you burst out in laughter as the two of you walked all the way back to base.

* * *

After sharing with a few Scouts, you made sure to keep one pastry reserved. You placed it delicately in a plate and made a cup of regular black tea. Maybe it was a bit cheesy or stupid, but you thought that it might cheer the Captain up a bit. His injury had him glued to his office or whatever else he was allowed to do. It couldn't do any wrong, right?

Thinking it over as you walked to his office, you actually had no clue if he even liked sweets at all. Though, there was only ever one way of knowing.

You knocked gently on the door, but no response was given. It wasn't anything new with Captain Levi, so you waited a bit more to see if any response came. Some few minutes passed and still nothing. You took a deep breath and turned the doorknob, walking into his office.

No one was present, however. It was so strange, why would he leave the door unlocked? Maybe he left for a quick check up on his condition, maybe he was with Commander Erwin. Either way, you were already in, so you thought you might as well just finish what you had started. You gently placed the cup and the plate on his desk, next to all the papers. You thought of leaving a note, but he would already know who it was from.

You hurried out of the room, making sure to not get caught in the act. You were already a bit anxious over it all, you didn't need the Captain to actually see you there in his office. You made absolutely sure to not misplace anything and to leave the room as it was once you came in- except for what you added.

Walking away, you held your head high. A tad bit of pride could be seen in your eyes. Today, you finally managed to make a step closer to getting more friendly with Captain Levi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its branching more into a self insert with a personality/backstory but.. its fun >>


	10. The Breach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending a long day compiling and noting the Scouts equipment, you're called to an urgent meeting with Commander Erwin, who informs you that a new problem came about. You wasted no time and rushed to the Scout Regiment's side.

The night after, you were called on emergency after spending hours on equipment duty. You rushed to the reunion point, running across the halls at full speed. You arrived at the meet up point and joined up Hange, as well as the trio and Captain Levi. Some Pastor Nick was with them as well. Out of breath, you clutched down to your knees trying to get back on your feet.

"What's the status?"

"There's been a breach in Wall Rose. The remaining Scouts are already present, but they need us to find out just what the hell is happening."

You couldn't believe the words that had just left Hange's mouth. A breach? In Wall Rose? It had to be some kind of mistake, there's no way another wall was broken through. Just as you stood there, in complete shock, everyone started to take seat in their embarkation.

"You comin' or what, brat?"

Shaken back to reality, you hastily hopped in with the rest of that gang and sat at the very back. It wasn't a seat proper, but you didn't have much of a choice. Right here would be the best place to figure out just what on earth happened.

From bits and pieces of what they were talking about, you understood a thing or two. There has been Titan spottings within the wall and the Scouts were attacked. Commander Erwin had already filled you and the others in on your mission, heading to Ehrmich District and investigating the reports. Thankfully though, traveling at night meant less risks of encountering more Titans.

"Hey, four-eyes. Since when are you a geologist?"

Captain Levi's words snapped you out of your deep thoughts and you turned your attention to the rest of everyone else traveling with you. Hange was holding some sort of crystal, which made your eyebrow raise, as you waited for what they had to say to the Captain's question. 

  
"Or are rocks just that fascinating? Looks like you're about to drool."

He leaned in to look at his companion, still waiting some sort of response from them. Everyone was now just starring at Hange, just wondering what was going on with that crystal.

"What? This? It's not a rock. Not an ordinary one, anyway. It's a hardened piece of skin left behind by the Female Titan."

Hange handed out the crystal, maybe to let us all get a good look at it. Armin gasped and so did you. How did it even stay intact this entire time?

"It didn't vanish?!", Armin expressed, fear running through his voice and face. 

"No. This random fragment broke off when Annie turned back into her human form. It didn't evaporate. It didn't simply go 'poof'."

They pulled the crystal closer to them again and looked at it with what you could only describe as pure intrigue and fascination. 

"So that got me thinking and when I compared it to the sliver of the wall; it's texture and composition were, for all intent and purposes, virtually identical. In layman's terms, we're hemmed in by a barricade of enermous Titans. If my hypothesis is correct, the surface was constructed using solidated Titan skin."

Hange paused and looked at Pastor Nick. You took a look around and everyone seemed shook to their core about this news. Out of all things you thought you could hear tonight, with rumors running around about Titans in the walls that day, you certainly didn't expect that to actually be true.

"You're kidding me, right? That's what Armin was trying to say.", Mikasa continued.

Armin gasped once more, leaned into his seat closer to Hange and opened his mouth wide open before letting out any sounds.

"So then-"

Hange slammed their hand into Armin's face, immediately silencing him.

"Easy! It's rude to steal someone else's thunder. As it stands, we'd be hard pressed to find a rock big enough to plug Wall Rose. It'd have to be just the right shape and size and we don't have specifics yet. But on the other hand; where there's a wall, there's a way. Picture Eren utilizing his hardening ability while in Titan form."

There was a short pause and everyone's attention now turned to Eren, as he lowered his head, voice shaking, fear striking his eyes.

"I could.."

He paused and looked back up, seemingly starring into the pitch black night, eyes still crazed from every shocking news he had just learned.

"..patch the hole."

"The celling should be composed of the same material and the hardened bit won't desolve once you've transformed back. This might be less of a long shot than it sounds. Thoughts?"

There was another short pause, as everyone was taking in the possibility showed to us. Sure, only Eren had to do the work to patch the hole on the ground, but the rest of us would have to defend him at all costs to make sure that hole wouldn't cause any more problems for anyone living within that wall.

"Well, anything worth a while encours a little risk. If we can manage to shore up Wall Rose, Wall Maria starts to look fairly promising. Vital as it is, the outpost infrastructure slows us down to a crawl. The time and resources needed to transport materials are immense, but.. if supply wagons don't have to be accommodated, we can make our way to Shiganshina much faster."

Armin leaned in, now seeming more determined than before with whatever else he was about to say.

"And what if we decided to carry out our plan at night?"

"Night?", Hange interrupted, with a hint of confusion in their tone. 

"Yes, Titans are effectively motionless."

Hange stopped to consider Armin's proposition, holding a hand up to their chin. You could see them thinking on the plan, possibly considering everything that came with the implication. All and all, it certainly wasn't a bad plan in the slightest.

"That's not bad. In fact, it's genius. Particularly with a group small enough to slip by undetected."

They paused once more and put their hand down, away from their chin, then raised their other hand with the crystal up, starring at it once more.

"The straits we're in are as dire as they come. But there might just be the tinist bit of slack."

"Yeah.. just bare in mind, though, the whole plan indges on whether or not Eren can seal the hole again."

Eren's voice was shaking once more, as his eyes were set on Armin. The first time around, Eren was barely able to even put a bolder infront of a hole in a wall. Relying on him being able to harden his Titan form to pull this off was something else completely.

"It's, uh, probably unfair of me to even ask, but do you think you can?"

Silence invaded your carriage, with nothing but the sound of horses and wheels against the ground. Everyone's sights were dead set on Eren, all secretly hoping he would accept, as selfish as that might be.

"What he thinks really isn't the issue- you either will or you won't. That's the reality. Our comrades are breaking their backs, but without you, it's nothing. Failure isn't an option. 

"Sir! I know! And I'm prepared to do whatever it takes! .. That's a promise. My father's cellar; that's where the answers are. If there's a grain of truth in what he told me, everything depends on us making it there."

Everyone quietly nodded, accepting what Eren said as what's probably the truth. Someone was bound to know what's going on in this world and if that someone was some doctor with a secret cellar, then you had to do everything in your power to find what he had left behind.

"And here's Erhmich."

* * *

You readied your horse and equipment, taking everything you needed before departing. You were standing close to your traveling group, but not close enough to hear every bit of conversation. There was a lot of shouting from Hange and some mild threats by Captain Levi. Nothing out of the ordinary, really.

Then, the pastor finally started to speak. You stopped everything you were doing and paid very close attention to the conversation, though it was hard to make out since you weren't that close to them. You could try inching yourself ever so closer, but that would definitively catch some few looks and probably warrant you getting in trouble for snooping in. So you stood still, listening to as much as you could and there you heard it-

Historia Reiss.

You had no clue who that girl could be, whatever else followed that was shortly cut off by Sasha stumbling into the room, crashing head first unto the floor. Her sudden entrance caused quite the commotion, as everyone had now turned their attention to her. You looked over your shoulder and observed the situation.

Sasha picked herself up as everyone questioned her, then she grabbed a message from the ground and handed it to Hange, who immediately opened it. It was probably some sort of call for help, seeing how Hange now called us to hurry up our preparations to set out for Castle Utgard.

You made your final preparations and lead your horse out with the saddle's roping, as mounting indoors usually wasn't a very smart idea. On your way out, you felt a hand grab your arm and hold you back. You slowly turned your head, ready to tell whoever did that to screw off, but to your surprise, it was Captain Levi.

"Hey, you. I'm gonna need to talk to you."

"What for?"

You raised an eyebrow at his demand and examined everything about his expression and demeanor. He didn't seem mad or annoyed. Well, at least not at you. His face was actually quite relaxed, with a more pleased neutral expression, as his gaze pierced through you once more.

"You're not in any trouble, if that's what concerns you." 

"Right,", you nodded and relaxed your arm slightly, "then I'll see you after my mission, Captain."

He let you go as you continued on your march outside, joining the rest of the Scouts. One of the newbies handed you a torch, as you mounted your trusted friend. Holding the flame in one hand, the other grasping the roping, you set out, following close behind the rest of the other Scouts, looking straight ahead in the dead of night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i rewatched the episode to get the dialogue bc i couldn't find it anywhere online and i really wanted to insert you/me/us in scenes with levi a wee bit more so yknow


	11. Tears Running like Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The darkness of the night and the quietness of the battlefield let you sink back into some deep, long past memories, remembering what brought you to this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACKSTORY TIME- you can skip this if you don't care too much about that,,
> 
> I originally wanted to put this into the season 3 arcs somewhere, but finally decided that it'd fit more here since a shit load of characters had flashbacks in season 2. felt fitting what can i say?

_The soft sunlight shined through your curtains, reflecting on your delicate face. The faint sound of people talking and cooking picked up in your ears, slowly pulling you out of your slumber. You rubbed your eyes and looked at the window, smiling at the new day. Jumping out of bed, you ran downstairs to the kitchen. Your mother smiled at you as you took your seat at the kitchen table, joining your father and brothers._

_Breakfast was served and you enjoyed it peacefully with the only people who ever mattered. Your house was as lively as always, laughter and chatter never ceasing. You could only think of how you never wanted this to go away, never wanting it to end._

_Your father and other two brothers left to go open shop, as you stayed with your mother and older brother to clean up. Today, you had to clean the table and broom the floor. That was your chore, your favorite one, because it meant you didn't have to touch wet food in the sink. You left to go grab the broom in another room and heard your mother speak to your brother._

_"Did you tell her yet?"_

_"No.. I didn't quite find the words to even say it."_

_"Sweetheart, you're leaving tomorrow morning. You have to tell her."_

_"I know, I know. I will today, I just don't know how she'll take it. What if she's angry at me? I don't want to leave her here for years hating me for what I chose to do."_

_"Don't worry so much about it, Arthur. I'm sure she'll understand. Your sister isn't clueless, I'm sure she'll love and admire you all the same."_

_You came back quietly with your broom in hand and slowly entered the kitchen once more, still listening to their conversation. You had no clue what any of this meant, but you had a funny feeling it was about you._

_"Mother, big bro- what are you talking about?"_

_You stood behind them and looked up at them like an abandoned puppy on the side of a street. Your brother turned to you and bent down slightly, to be closer to your height and smiled._

_"[Y/N], I have something important to tell you. Tomorrow morning, I'm leaving for training camp. I'm gonna become a Scout, just like Uncle Finn. I want you to have this, however. It's for good luck."_

_He handed you a necklace and gently put it around your neck, smiling at you as you starred at him confused._

_"But why? Aren't you happy here?"_

_"It's nothing like that. I love all of you, which is why I want to do everything in my power to make sure you will all be safe. I'll be back, though. I promise you I will be."_

_You looked into his eyes with admiration, now you understood everything. He only wanted to protect you all, so you hugged him with all your strength, burring your face in his chest, ready to never let go of him._

_And you wished you never did._

_There you stood, watching your brother say his goodbyes to you. Your two other brothers waved him goodbye, wishing him good luck, but mother was crying. She was crying her eyes out, asking him to come back safe and sound. Just before he stepped out of the house, you held together your strength and yelled out the last thing you ever told him._

_"I love you!"_

  
_For the next two years, you would wake up and run downstairs asking where Arthur was and if he came back to say hi, like he promised, but your parents always told you that he was still training and that he wouldn't be back for a while. Every day you said "Oh, okay." and sat down at your chair like everything was normal. By the time his training was over, he had sent us a few letters telling us how everything went. He sent you one for your 11th birthday, telling you he'd be back for your 12th birthday, to celebrate it with you. After all, his training would be over in time for that, so surely the Scouts would let him go for a day or two, right?_

_But your 12th birthday came and you received a letter saying he section selections were on the day of your birthday and that he couldn't miss it. You were upset, but you understood. Your two other brothers, Elias and Leon, spent that day with you instead. You loved them just as much, even if it wasn't the same, you enjoyed every bit of it._

_Months passed by, but he never came back. You still woke up and went to his room, just to check if he was there, but you eventually gave up. Some few weeks passed by again and there was a knock on the door. Two Scouts stood there, holding a uniform and a Military badge. Your eldest brother, Elias, was the one to open the door. He immediately called your father over and the two men stepped into your house. You remember distinctly- they started speaking and you recognized one of them as your Uncle Finn. By the time you walked to the scene, mother was on her knees crying her eyes out, cursing the world out for "taking away her baby boy"._

_"Wh-what's going on?"_

_Your voice was shaking and your body was trembling to it's core. You already expected the answer to be everything except a good news, but you held your hopes. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't just a misunderstanding, but when Leon took your arm and pulled you away, it confirmed everything._

_"Leon, what's happening?"_

_No answer._

_"Lee! Please!"_

_He bit his lower lip and you could see his entire face contort trying to hold himself together. You pulled your arm away and stood in place, tears forming in your eyes as you slowly opened your mouth, ready to ask something else._

_But Leon dropped to his knees. He dropped to his knees and held your shoulders. You could hear his voice shake, his hands were cold and shaking, head down, facing the floor. You were so confused, you wanted to scream at him to answer you once and for all- just to know where was Arthur and why two men dressed in a Scout uniform were at your damn door._

_"Listen, [Y/N], you'll have to promise me something. Promise me you'll stay strong, okay? That's all I'm asking of you."_

_Usually, Leon would just be a prick to you as a joke. It would be your thing- being little shits to each other, as father always called it. But you'd never seen him like this, so serious and beaten down. You suddenly felt something in you sink, like reality had found it's way into your soul and crushed it._

_"I-I promise", you choked out, muffled under your heavy breathing._

_"Okay, okay.."_

_Leon took a deep breath and looked up at you, with tears rolling down his cheeks. The pure look of defeat on his face made your entire being drop, your legs felt light, as if you could barely stand on them. Anxiety riddled your face as your breathing drew heavier._

_"Arthur.. he.. Arthur didn't make it out of his last expedition. He died in combat. I'm not sure how or why, but that's not important right now. [Y/NM], he won't come home ever again. He's gone now."_

_Your legs gave out and you fell, only being held by Leon. You fell limply on his body and your voice was even more agitated, this time completely unable to say anything at all. Your brother held you closely, holding on to his dear life. Tears fell out of your eyes like waterfalls and it only took a few more moments for you to start kicking and screaming, denying the truth._

_"No! No, no, no, no, no! You're lying! You're lying, Lee! Ar will be back! It's just a misunderstanding, he's alive! I know it!_

_Leon held you tighter, and you heard a pair of footsteps approach you. You turned your head to face whatever it was. Elias crouched down to your level, eyes full of anger and distain- you could sense all the emotions boiling up inside of him._

_"Eli! Tell Lee he's lying!"_

_"He's not, though."_

_His words were cold and direct, as if he was trying to distance himself from reality and everything happening at the time. You were too blinded by your own emotions to notice how he truly felt and only saw it as him not caring in the slightest for his brother's end._

_"Listen, [Y/N]... Arthur isn't coming back. He's dead and gone. I won't see him again, mother won't see him again, father won't see him again, Leon won't see him again and you won't see him again. I know it hurts, I know how you feel, but that's the reality of things- the harsh reality. Human lives are fragile and that's why we have to cherish them while we still can."_

_He looked down, to avoid your furious gaze. He probably didn't even want to see the state you were in, he probably thought you hated him- and in that moment, you did. You wanted to tell him he was full of shit and that he didn't care, but nothing came out of your mouth. You simply starred at him, with nothing but resentment. He held your face in his hands and swept away your tears with his thumb. You wanted to tear his hands off your face, but you couldn't even muster the energy or strength to do it, so you simply let him do his thing as you cried even more._

_You spent weeks in your room, only coming out once or twice if you had any business to be taken care of. The sight of the sun set you off every morning, as you grew to resent it more and more. The sun rising only meant that a new day had started and that was just another day of heart wrenching pain. Nothing could bring back your brother and you hated the very world you lived in for ever taking him away from you._

_A handful of months passed by and a knock on your door came by, you ignored it, still wanting absolutely nothing to do with anyone. The knock persisted, but you could only bring yourself to look at the door, without as much as moving a muscle. The door swung open as Elias walked in._

_"Hey."_

_You looked at him, but didn't respond. You couldn't find the strength in you to even look at him, you hated him down to your core. He simply stood there and forced a smile, waiting for you to answer. But you never did._

_"Your 13th birthday is coming up, do you want anything?"_

_You looked away and went back at starring at the ceiling like you've been doing for so long now. Thinking of absolutely nothing was easier than ever considering facing your loss, so that's what you did all day every day. Elias didn't give up easily, though. He pulled the chair from your desk and sat in front of you. He caressed your cheek, waiting for a response._

_"I know, I know... I miss him too."_

_You darted your eyes back at him, confusion crippling your expression. Why did he suddenly care? Why would he even miss him after everything he said on that day?_

_"There's not a single day where I don't think about him. I wish I could bring him back.", he paused shortly and took his hand away from you, "Mother is worried sick about you. Why don't you come downstairs and have dinner with us tonight? I haven't seen you leave your room in so long, I think we could use your company."_

_But you still didn't answer. You barely recognized the man sitting before you, much less the sweet nothings he was trying to tell you._

_"Tell me..", you choked out weakly, "did you say the same shit about your friends who died in combat as well? Did you not give a care about them too?_

_"That's not-", he sighed and held his face with his hands, "I probably should've figured out you would hate me for what I told you that day. [Y/N], when I spoke those words to you that day, never in my life did I ever want to diminish his sacrifice. I loved- love Arthur just as much as you do, and I couldn't believe it either. I didn't want to believe it. I tried to tell you as directly as I could to avoid making you doubt or consider everything that could've happened to him, because I wanted to avoid causing you that sort of pain. I suppose I failed at that."_

_You turned your entire body to face him and stood up, sitting in your bed, looking at him profoundly confused. You held your arms around yourself and lowered your head._

_"Sorry.. I should've known it wasn't anything like that."_

_"No! No, it's okay. I can't fault you for ever seeing it like that."_

_He fiddled with his fingers for a few moments as the room grew silent once more. Eventually, he stood up and put the chair back in it's place. He made his way to the door again, just about to leave you be._

_"Hey.. I'd like it if we spent the day like we used to. For my birthday, I mean."_

_Elias nodded at your request and a slight smile came to his face, overjoyed at you finally wanting to see your family once again._

_The next two years went by and they were as close to "normal" as you had once known normal. The first few months were a bit weird and awkward, but you got the hang of it quite fast. It didn't take too long before it felt natural again. About a year after you first had a meal with them, your smile came back, your laughs were lively and your eyes seemed full again. Life finally seemed to have found it's way back into your soul, lighting you up once more._

_But all things aren't meant to last, as you already knew. News came in that Wall Maria had fallen and Titans had made their way into it, forcing the survivors to retreat back to wall Rose- where you lived. The refugees never quite made it to your district, but you remember how hard things were. The whole world seemed so depressed around you and you felt it's weight trying to drag you down once more. The wall falling meant that humanity was no way near getting rid of the Titans, which only meant that Arthur's death was meaningless in the end. You refused to accept that._

_Weeks passed and you finally gathered the courage to tell your parents. Tell them the truth of your intentions, regardless of what they had to say or think. If you were old enough to have marriage proposition already, you were old enough to do whatever you so pleased._

_The dinner table was full that night. Your father and eldest brother didn't have to stay at the shop over night to keep supplying the food donors for the refugees, so now was your best chance at speaking up._

_"Mother, Father, Elias, Leon.. I have something important to tell you. I want to join the Scouts."_

_Their jaws dropped and they all starred at you, speechless. No one knew how to answer anything you just said. It took minutes before your mother blew into tears, yelling at you to reconsider. Your father absolutely refused to ever have you sign off to the Scouts and your brothers disapproved just as much._

_Months passed by and you kept trying to convince them. Over and over and over, you repeated the same thing, hoping that they would listen, but they never did. A year passed by and still nothing, they always refused to do anything about it. They were sick and tired of you asking and asking, over and over every time._

_Some few more months passed by, now almost 2 years after the wall fell, and you kept insisting, refusing to ever give it up. Sure, you could have signed yourself up without their consent, but if you had to die like Arthur, you didn't want them to resent you. Some day, you were staying after open hours with your father, helping for food supplies once more._

_"Tell me, [Y/N], what's so admirable about the Scouts? Why do you want to go there so dearly?"_

_"Arthur joined the Scouts to make sure we would stay safe, right? Well, when Wall Maria fell, I realized something. His death meant nothing if more people died to those things and I refuse to accept that his sacrifice didn't help humanity."_

_"So you're way to go about it is to throw yourself into a Titan's mouth?"_

_He paused and dropped what he was doing, turning to face you, realizing what he had just said to you._

_"I apologize, that was out of place. Still, you have everything you need here. A comfortable life where you won't have to ever worry about Titans."_

_"What if they break through this wall, though? What then?"_

_He had no response. He simply went back to his business, but you knew your father all too well. He never gave up an argument unless he was seriously considering what you were saying._

_"Your Uncle retired about a month ago, but he still has some connections. You're too old to be joining the Scouts' training regularly, but I can pull a few strings for you to get in. The next draft should be in about 2 months. You can go, but only under one condition. Come back safe, please. Your mother won't be able to handle another loss. I'll try to talk some sense into her about this, but don't expect things to go smoothly."_

_You dropped everything you were doing and jumped at him, wrapping your arms around him, holding him tightly._

_"Thank you, father."_

Next thing you knew, here you were, riding next to some kids 5 years younger than you, probably all heading to your deaths. Maybe it was a bad coincidence, but damn did you regret ever theorizing another wall falling- because now that was becoming reality. 

  
You let go of the roping to reach into your pocket, grabbing that necklace, holding it close to your heart. You could feel tears forming in your eyes as you looked up at the moonlight, remembering everything Arthur had ever told you. In this moment, just like any other time you were faced with a challenge, you had to be strong. 

Following Hange's lead gave you confidence that you might see it through, survive to save those who couldn't be helped- live out Arthur's dream for him, as you now had to carry his torch after deciding your life would be the same as his; hope. 


	12. Another Treason, Another Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rescue mission was all you expected to happen that day. Nothing more, nothing less, but what the world decided it had in store for you wasn't exactly anyone's vision of any of these events.

You could see the sun rising in the distance, which meant you had little time left to even reach the others. From your understanding, some abnormals can move around at night now, so just what on earth could they do once the sun rises?

The quietness of the night was disappearing as you could hear birds chirping in the distance, buried underneath the sounds of the Scouts traveling. This was your first time officially leading an attack under Hange's command, but you trusted them with your entire being. They put you under the offensive for this rescue mission, though it gave you another chance to prove you can handle yourself and that you deserve your spot, it still made you nervous.

Still, you couldn't quite shake off the sour optimism you felt. Your brother's name hadn't really crossed your mind since you graduated, but for some reason now it did, almost like a bad omen. You just wanted to see this battle through to the end, to carry on just a little longer.

Over the horizon, Hange spotted the tower in question, swarming with Titans from all corners. There were probably two dozens of them all trying to bring that damned place down. If anything, that barely even looked like a castle anymore, but that was just another reason to hurry on over there, before any more damage could be caused.

The sun was up and you could see everything before you so clearly. The Titans destroying everything in sight, along with some Scouts already heading into battle. You followed behind Hange more closely, awaiting their orders.

It seemed like most Titans were too preoccupied with trying to find whoever was in those rubbles to bother with the incoming soldiers. Whether that was good or not all depended on how many survived that night.

"Disperse and canvas the area! The rest of you, follow me to where the Titans are gathering and cut them down!"

Right as those words left their mouth, Eren immediately left his position to take on some nearby Titan. You could hear him cheering himself off for his first ODM kill and the only thing you could do is sigh to yourself as he fell to the ground. You were starting to understand how Captain Levi felt every time you tried to show off.

As you were getting closer to the oversaturation of Titans, you stood up on your horse and hooked onto some nearby ruins, launching yourself high up in the air, to then grab on to some Titans in front of you. Without any difficulty whatsoever, you slid your blades across the back of their necks, carving out a clean cut. You spun around, flowing freely in the air, dashing from Titan to Titan. You easily took out at least 5 on your own, with the rest of your section squad taking out whatever was left.

You surveyed around the corner, observing if anyone was in any trouble, but every Titan had been taken out in an impressive amount of time. Still, you kept an eye wide open, trying to spot any injured requiring immediate attention, but there was none. It almost seemed so odd to you.

Rejoining back with the others, you took up a guard station atop a crumbled wall, looking down at the 104th Cadets watching Krista pour her eyes out to a heavily injured Ymir. You couldn't quite figure out what had happened, but judging from everyone's reaction, probably nothing good.

* * *

Back at Wall Rose, you had to unload medical resources to treat the wounded. The boxes were heavy and needed at least 3 or 4 people to push them, then opening them was an entire different story. You didn't really mind, however, as this was kind of a good exercise. You carried some supplies back and fourth with another Scout, dropping them off to Hange. On your walk back to the boxes, you looked back for some reason and spotted Eren speaking with Reiner and Bertholt. It wasn't anything unusual though, so you looked straight ahead and continued. Well, until you felt the wind get more aggressive and heard a familiar sound.

Lightning struck and a massive gust of wind blew you off your feet. You hung on by grappling yourself to the stone floor top of the wall, your boots scrapping against the hard surface. You covered your face with your arms and tried to move forward, but you could clearly hear the faint sound of hooks getting loose. You took absolutely no chance at all and hooked onto the side of the wall, swinging yourself closer to Hange's position. A few Scouts followed behind you, joining up with the main group as well.

The wind eventually went away, as a giant Titan sat on the wall. Hange ordered everyone to circle around it to find a weak spot. The Titan tried it's best to punch everyone out of it's way, but it was way too slow to achieve anything. After a few minutes of analyzing it's movements, the section commander found an opening and that was everyone's cue to charge head on.

You were a bit behind everyone else, unsure that this was even safe. Sure, an opening was available, but if this Titan was who you expected it to be, there was no way they'd be this dumb. Even still, you charged as did everyone else.

An intensely hot steam came charging back at the Scouts, blasting everyone away from it's weak spot, like mere flies. It wasn't long before Hange ordered a retreat before any casualties could be had. You felt your skin burning from how overwhelming the heat was, even from the distance you were at, it hurt like a bitch. 

You joined back with everyone else at a good distance away from the Titan and ran to get water with other recruits who weren't as severely burned from the impact on their skin. Carrying those barrels with the heat you had just been put through was almost pure torture. Next time you saw Captain Levi, you had to thank him for going easy on you- because his training was nothing compared to this.

No orders were given, everyone simply waited there in confusion. The only thing anyone could do was wait it out, until the Titan was too tired to keep this up or until they find a better plan. Though, it didn't take too long for anyone to realize what was going on beneath us. Eren's Titan form was fighting some armored Titan and Mikasa immediately jumped in to help him, whatever form of help she could offer anyway. 

Armin and Hange quickly followed behind her, but the rest of everyone walked closer to the ledge, to watch everything unfold. If you had to be honest, it was incredible. You only saw Eren fight in passing before, but it was never anything like this. You were impressed at how well Eren managed to control his powers and was able to fight a Titan that was so heavily protected. Whenever Eren got the upper hand, the other Titan managed to get it back over him. 

After minutes of fighting, you heard a cracking sound coming from your right. You looked over and saw that whatever that enormous Titan was holding on to the wall with was breaking apart. In a panic, you looked back down to see the same panicked looks on Armin, Mikasa and Hange's face as they tried to warn Eren to stay away from the wall, but it was too late. The Colossal fell right in the middle of the fight and there was a huge blast from the impact.

Everyone stood in silence. As the smoke dispersed, you could see something emerging from it. You could only hope it was Eren, but your stomach sank when you saw that it was the Armored Titan, along with Bertholt carrying Eren in his arms. They ran away in the opposite direction, and you could only stand there and watch as it all happened. 

"EREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!"

Armin's scream finally broke the silence that had overtaken all of us and shook us back to reality. Whoever the enemy was anymore, they had who's probably humanity's only shot at exterminating the Titans once and for all. 

Section Commander Hange, as well as everyone else who headed down there, came back up atop the wall with the rest of the Scouts assigned to this excursion. Just moments after landing, they fainted, as did a few more soldiers who were too close to the blast of steam. You and whoever else was still in decent shape rushed over to their side and assisted them, treating their burnings in your best ability. 

* * *

5 hours passed since Eren and Ymir were taken by Bertholt and Reiner. Hannes sat down with Armin and Mikasa, talking about whatever. You stayed by the injured soldiers, making sure none of them were in too bad of a condition. Not too long after, Commander Erwin appeared with the necessary reinforcements and lifts. Trying to get a grip on the current situation, Commander Erwin's legged is grabbed by Hange. Their injuries were too great to even stand, but still, they asked for a map and planned out some form of tactic to rescue our allies.

"It's a gamble, but the trees in this forest are massive. I say we ride straight for it. See, even if they had a way to cover the Armored Titan's footprints, this.. is almost definitively where we would find them."

Hange looked up at the crowd of soldiers gathered around them, mapping out the area in question with their finger. 

"Why is that?", Commander Erwin asked out of genuine curiosity. 

"They need to recoup. They have the power to assume Titan form, but other Titans on that side of the wall still pose a threat. Especially after putting up such a fight. Yes, Eren was the worst for it, but they've got to be spent. Remember when Annie went out cold? Let's suppose they're headed somewhere outside of Wall Maria, that's not a simple hike. They'll need all the rest they can get before covering that kind of distance. They're in no shape to make it in a single push and if so, they'll want to catch their breath somewhere other Titans can't get to them. Odds are, they'll hold out until it gets dark. We have until sun down! If we can reach the forest by then, we might just have a chance to save them!"

Everyone who was still able to fight descended down on the other side of the wall with the help of the lifts and mounted their horses, ready to set out. You were one of the first ones to be ready to head on out and you couldn't help but stare at the sun. It was so strange, yet felt so real- you were standing in the exact same spot as you were less than a day ago. Two rescue missions in a day, it was something you'd never have expected. 

One everyone was ready, Commander Erwin gave the signal and everyone headed out on the field, completely embracing whatever came next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly writing for season 2 is kind of hard bc levi is barely in on-screen and also it kinda just became easier to turn this into more of self insert than anything else. the backstory and little story details are just stuff i like to sprinkle on top, if you'd rather ignore all that, it's just as fine! whatever makes you enjoy this fic lol


	13. Rescuing A Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rescue mission was going to be a lot harder than anticipated, especially with some new turn of events. You would give it your all, however, as losing Eren now meant losing the only chance you had left.

You rode alongside your comrades, following suit as everyone dashed through the open fields, racing against the clock. If night time had been your only reassurance before, now it was your worst nightmare. Everything relied on being able to rescue Eren and without Captain Levi, humanity's strongest, it was going to be nearly impossible. One Titan was already enough to overwhelming the entire Scout regiment, two would be basically suicide.

  
"Be on the lookout! All riders, assume formation!"

Commander Erwin shouted his orders loud and clear and everyone assumed their formation. You grouped up with a few recruits you didn't know, but judging by their uniform, they were MPs. The rest of the 104th stuck together in their own sections. This was certainly one way to figure out if they really were the best of the bests. 

  
The sun was already starting to set, you had less than 2 hours left before you could reach that forest. Maybe even just an hour, it was hard to tell when in motion. That giant forest was in sight, but just barely. You had at the very least half an hour left of traveling to get there.

Your group tried to force your way through as fast as possible, but it didn't take long before you ran into trouble once again.

"Two Titans, they don't seem like abnormals. Probably 10 meters at most each."

"Great! We don't have time to take them on, though."

"No, but we have to warn the others."

You argued on with one of the MPs about the issue at hand, but quickly grew annoyed and took out your flair gun, warning Commander Erwin of what was happening. You and your comrades looked up at the sky and noticed a few more signals. 

"Ohhh.. that can't be good."

"Yeah, no shit."

"You know, you could try dropping the sarcasm."

"Enough! We're on the same side here, fighting for the same thing. There's no point in arguing."

If the little exchange right before this didn't set you off enough as it was, this certainly did. At least one of the MPs had some shred of common sense, you rolled your eyes and sighed as you waited for some form of new instruction from command.

And there it was, green flair. You were definitively surrounded by the look of things, but it seemed like Commander Erwin had yet another risk it all plan. Those were starting to be a bit too common for your comfort zone.

"Is he serious? We're pushing straight ahead?"

"Yeah, well, that's Commander Erwin's plans for you. It's all or nothing."

"No wonder the Scout Regiment is so expensive."

"I'm sure sitting on your ass all day long, waiting for your shift to end must be very expensive as well." 

Two of the MPs scoffed at your remark, but the other wasn't amused in the slightest. A slight grin appeared on your face. If he wanted to play the sarcastic asshole game, it'd be your pleasure to give him exactly what he wanted. Silence fell back a few moments later, which thankfully meant you could finally focus.

You finally reached the forest, a bit behind the first few groups. A lightning bolt struck in the middle of the forest and that only meant you were running out of time. The MPs that were with you opted to stay behind and fight the Titans before they could make any reassure dent in this mission's death toil, leaving the Scouts to carry out the rescue part of the mission. You followed the 104th into the forest, swinging from tree to tree, gliding about trying to find the fugitives. Then you all heard a scream, piercing through your ears. It came from straight ahead.

You encountered a Titan and as one of the soldiers drew their weapons to fight it, Connie asked them to stop. He landed next to it, without any hesitation or fear.

"It's actually Ymir! This is her Titan form, she's one of the people they took!"

He paused and turned to Ymir's Titan form, with what you could only describe as pure distress on his face. You landed on a nearby tree and stood there, holding a single blade, just in case this was some sort of trap and Ymir was acting as bait.

  
"What the hell happened?! Where is everyone else?"

Ymir completely ignored Connie and turned her head away, looking around her. Her eyes darted from soldier to soldier, pausing a bit longer on every female present. 

"Is Eren okay? What about Bertholt and Reiner?"

Jean and Mikasa made their landing as well, standing by looking at Ymir, waiting for the worst to happen.

"So this is Ymir..."

"Did she assume Titan form to take on Reiner and escape?"

"Ymir! What's the deal? Did you manage to escape from them? What direction did they go?"

"Give us something to go on! Anything!"

"Say something already! Come on, ugly! We're kind of in a rush!"

Connie made his way up to her head and started to kick her, maybe hoping to get some sort of information by doing so. Even still, she was dead set on keeping quiet for some reason. Your hand started to tremble as you held your blade tighter. If she ignored all her friends, this could be everything except good. 

"Is she keeping an eye out for Reiner? ...Something isn't right. Why- why is she looking at us one by one?"

You opened your mouth to voice out your concerns to Armin as well, in support to what he had to say, but before any sound could leave your mouth, you heard someone's ODM gear behind you.

"Ymir! There you are! Thank goodness you're alright!"

Krista- no, Historia flew her way in, getting closer to the Scouts' position, smile radiating as she dashed towards her friend. Ymir's Titan jumped from the tree and headed straight for Historia, mouth wide open. She ate her whole. Your stomach sank as you watched Ymir devour Historia. Your hand was trembling more than it was before and you could feel the chills in your spine. Everyone else stood there in silence, mumbling something under their breath.

"Don't just stand there! Move your asses!"

Jean was first to lead the charge and everyone else quickly followed suit. You didn't waste any time either. Whatever Ymir had just done and for whatever reason she had done it, you couldn't let her get away with it. You chased her down, but she was far too fast for any of you to keep up with her. Just as she was getting out of sight, another lightning bolt struck. Every Scout present took shelter on a tree and observed to see what on heaven's name just happened. 

And there it was, Reiner had assumed his Titan form, with Bertholt, Eren and Ymir on his back. Everyone looked at what was happening in front of them in disbelief. Hannes quickly appeared behind your group and ordered you to "move your asses". You mounted your horse yet again and chased them down along with everyone else. 

The distance between you and the Warriors was starting to close in. Reiner definitively hadn't recovered his strength, which was just perfect for you. Mikasa wasted to time in immediately going after them, standing on top of the Armored Titan. Even from the distance you were at, you could clearly see the scene unfold- Mikasa attempting to Kill Bertholt and Reiner using his hand to shield him. Ymir tries her luck, but backed down pretty quickly. Whatever was happening there, it couldn't be anything good.

The others were catching up, getting closer and joining Mikasa. You stayed on your mount, following at a safe close distance behind. You kept your attention to what was happening up there, fearing whatever could come next. You couldn't do much to help them, but it didn't take too long for more trouble to come up.

Commander Erwin and his soldiers were luring a group of Titans straight towards Reiner and the Scouts immediately returned to their mounts. The impact shook the wind around you. Reiner was pinned, stuck in place surrounded by Titans. He started to push Titans out of his way, probably to make an opening. The Commander drew his sword out and charged, soldiers following behind.

"ADVANNNNNCE!"

Before any actions were taken or anyone had the time to react, Commander Erwin's arm was bitten by a Titan, carrying him away from his position. Even still, that didn't stop him at all.

"I SAID ADVANCE GODDAMNIT! EREN'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! DO. NOT. FALTER!"

Without hesitation, everyone obeyed and followed through with his orders. You dashed across the battlefield, inching your way closer to Eren, as many fell and were devoured in the chaos. Mikasa charged straight for Bertholt, but missed by a just a little bit. She was caught by a Titan, but Jean quickly jumped in to help her. Two more Scouts attempted to save Eren, but were swatted away by Reiner like mere flies.

Armin made his way to Bertholt, but before you could see anything that was about to happen, a Titan tried to grab you. By pure instinct, you managed to launch yourself out of his grasp. You swung back right around and slid your blades across it's nape. More Titans were coming towards you, after breaking through the very thin line of defense that was behind you. You wasted no time in gliding closer to them.

You threw the blade end of your swords straight into a Titan's eyes, blinding it instantly. You reloaded a new set of blades and held them with a reverse grip, swung down below, between it's legs, spinning around on your way back up, slashing it's spine. You carved an opening through it's nape, slightly bending your blades from the sheer force of the impact.

You spun backwards on the following Titan, cutting it's neck clean off with one swift strike. Your injuries from earlier weren't enough to stop you from going all out against these creatures. You dashed closer to the next one and cut it's ankles, making it fall on the ground. Swinging high up, ready to strike it down, you saw Reiner from the corner of your eye standing up perfectly fine. You darted your head towards him.

He was throwing Titans as a last ditch effort. He was throwing fucking Titans at the Scouts. Your eyes started to water from the sheer anger you felt within you soul, burning away any other feeling or desire you had at that moment. You wanted someone to stop that asshole before anyone else was killed. 

Fueling your burning hatred and anger towards the man who you reached a hand out when you thought he needed it the most, the man who you spent the last 3 years with, the same person who was nothing but a traitor, you gave that strike your all. Your swords' blades snapped clean off when they hit the ground. Your slash was so strong, it went completely through. The impact made you stumble backwards a bit, falling on your back. 

You lifted yourself up as you watched the chaos around you. People being devoured and Titans thrown around at them. You looked everywhere around you, panic and fear running through you. But then you caught glimpse of something you never thought you'd see- Hannes being devoured by a Titan, as Mikasa and Eren stood by and watched, unable to do anything to save him. 

You stood there in disbelief, watching the scene unfold before you, at a good distance. You got rid of your broken blades and equipped the last set of spare blades you had left and started to run towards them. But something inside of you snapped, and you stopped. Something didn't feel quite right. Were you really about to throw yourself into danger like that once again, even after everything? You put away your blades and whistled for your mount. Running on the ground was way too dangerous and you had a promise to hold. 

As you mounted your horse, some unhuman sound came from the direction Eren was at. You covered your ears and closed your body back on itself, crouching down, as the sound made you feel like your brain was about to implode.

It stopped. The sound stopped. Titans were running like maniacs towards Reiner, tackling him on the ground. You stood by and looked at what you could only describe as pure madness. Armin and Jean quickly passed by you and rescued Mikasa and Eren. As soon as they were safely boarded, Commander Erwin ordered a full retreat. You wasted no time and remounted your horse, following the remaining soldiers making their escape.

* * *

As soon as you returned to base, you paid the infirmary a quick visit. You just needed to get a little check up from your injuries, minor as they were. The nurse ran a few quick tests and barely 10 minutes later, she was filling out the report for the doctor.

"Alright, so no serious injuries on the surface. None of my tests show any signs of internal damage either, though if you feel any sharp pain out of the blue, head straight back here. Your burns were nothing too damaging, just apply cold compresses for 15 minutes if it ever starts being a bother. Also, you need to ease up a bit on the battlefield. Your body was quite tense, you probably pulled a few muscles, though that's nothing a few days of rest can't fix."

"Right, thank you very much."

You bowed down in gratitude as a soldier burst into the room and ran straight to you, holding up a pretty sad excuse of a salute.

"M-Miss [Y/N]! Captain Levi would like to see you in his o-office!"

You nodded at what you could only imagine was a Cadet and said your goodbyes to the nurse. You walked out of that room and headed straight for the Captain's office. He did tell you he wanted to talk to you last you saw him, though you didn't figure he would ask for you as soon as you returned. After all, it's only been about 2 hours since you made it back. 

You knocked twice, with your usual gentle and relaxed pattern, alerting him that it was in fact you. He had to be used to the way you knocked by now with the amount of times you came in here. You heard a rough but familiar voice call out "Come in" and you took wasted no time to open the door and make your way in.

"Hello, Captain. You asked to see me?"

He put down the papers he was holding in his hand and raised his head up to look at you. He relaxed a bit in his chair and crossed his legs in his usual way, with the features on his face softening up a bit. 

"Are you waiting for an invitation? Go on, take a seat.", a small chuckle came right after.

You grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it in front of his desk, taking a comfortable position in that same chair. It's odd, you felt a lot more at ease with the Captain now. At first, you were a little intimidated by him, but now you could pretty much consider him a friend. 

"How are you?"

"Well, I don't have any serious injuries, so pretty go-"

"That's not what I meant, I can see you're doing fine. I'm asking how you're going."

"Well..", you paused and looked down, holding your hands together, "I'm still a bit confused and shaken up by what happened. I can't quite seem to get my head around it. How could Reiner and Bertholt just betray us like that?", you clenched your fists and mumbled a quiet "damn assholes" to yourself.

Levi tapped on his desk with his finger, almost as if he was waiting for something. He didn't let up, his gaze was still focused on you. You raised your head back up and relaxed your hands, meeting his gaze yet again. His eyes seemed a lot more warm than they were before.

"Finish your thought."

"Huh?"

"I can tell by the look in your eyes that's not all. Anger and betrayal aren't the only things you're feeling." 

"Can't hide anything from you, can I?", you forced a smile before you continued, "I just remembered some unpleasant memories. That's all."

He nodded, but didn't speak again. He was probably still waiting for you to continue, so you took a deep breath and looked back into his eyes. 

"My brother was a Scout some few years ago. He died in battle.", you fiddled with your fingers a bit to gather some more courage to speak your heart out, "His name was Arthur. You.. wouldn't happen to know anyone named like that, would you?"

"Same last name?"

"Yeah."

Levi leaned back in his chair and took a few seconds to answer your question. His gaze let up and he was thinking back on all the countless soldiers he had probably lost. Come to think of it, there was no way he remembered him.

"Can't say I know anyone under that name who was part of my subordinates. He was probably assigned to someone else. I can do some digging, if you'd like. I'm sure there's a report on his case somewhere in our archives." 

"I-.. That-.. I would appreciate that a lot, Captain."

He nodded and stood up. He slowly walked towards the door, passing by you without saying a word. He opened the door and looked back at you.

"Go get some rest, brat. You've been up for well over a day by now, you earned it."

You nodded back in return and stood up, putting the chair back in it's place. You walked towards the door that he held open for you and walked by him outside. You turned around to face him and smiled one last time.

"Thank you, Captain. I mean it, I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it."

A small, but soft smile marked his face. You never saw him smile ever before and it certainly took you by surprise. You simply nodded and walked away, back to your room. Every time you spoke with him, you gained some new form of respect for him. You were truly glad you had met Captain Levi after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have big brain master plan for season 3, just you wait


	14. No Safe Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After rescuing Eren and Historia, the newly formed Levi Squad settled in some remote Scout house for some extra experiments to test Eren's Titan abilities, all the while Captain Levi oversaw your progress during training.

You woke up early to pack your things, since you took the rest of the day off yesterday. Your body ached a bit, but it wasn't too bad. Your shoulders and arms felt stiff, making it harder to move your luggage down the stairs, despite only having packed some clothes in.

Captain Levi had another trip planned to some house owned by the Scout Regiment to run a few more experiments on Eren. Since you were now apart of the Levi Squad, you tagged along as well to hopefully get some time to relax and train until the next expedition. It certainly wouldn't be any time soon, if you considered the state Commander Erwin was in.

You boarded the same carriage as last time, without Pastor Nick around however. You took his spot instead of sitting on the edge of the front, right between Hange and Levi, facing Eren, Mikasa and Armin. Captain Levi gave Hange a hand to board, their injuries didn't seem to get much better.

Everyone stayed silent, holding their heads down, the Captain being the only exception. No one could really believe that Reiner and Bertholt were traitors, much less that it all happened yesterday. So many lives were lost in barely an hour and it was a miracle anyone even made it out alive.

Your throat felt dry, rough even. You wanted to speak up, but something was preventing you from even doing so. Maybe it was the atmosphere, everything felt so heavy, but you swallowed it down and lifted your head up. 

"Say, Captain. How's Commander Erwin doing?"

"His condition has stabilized, though a it'll take a while for him to recover. I wouldn't expect to see him around anytime soon, that's for sure." 

"Right."

Silence fell once again, as you fiddled a bit with your fingers. You opened your luggage and reached a hand in to grab a book, carefully pulling it out. You thought that perhaps reading would help you feel less suffocated by the sorrow in the air.

"What about you, Hange? Are your injuries getting better?"

You looked over at Armin, who was now looking at Hange with a conflicted look in his eyes. He gripped his pants firmly and bit his lower lip. You couldn't quite understand why, but you felt sorry for him. He looked like he was in so much pain.

"Yeah. They're definitively still an inconvenience, but I have to find out more about Eren's new Titan ability. A Titan ordering other Titans is something that's unheard of, well, so is a human transforming into a Titan, but even still. With the losses we suffered yesterday, the Scouts will need some time to recover, which fits perfectly into our schedule."

  
"Can't even give the kid a break, can you, four-eyes? With the condition he's in, who knows if he can even assume Titan form?"

Hange looked over at Levi and scratched their head, then looked over at Eren. You could sense something boiling within him just by nearly looking in his direction.

"Well, Eren, do you think you can do it?"

"I can! And I will."

There was no hesitation or even delay in his response. He stood up and shouted his answer loud and clear, though it didn't take long for him to fall back sitting due to the movement of the carriage.

"Well, I think that settles it, Levi. See? Nothing to worry about, I'm certain Eren will out do himself."

You looked over at the Captain as he rolled his eyes and scoffed in annoyance, turning his head to the side, looking at the road ahead. A slight smile came on your lips as you opened your book and flipped the pages to where you last were.

As you started to read and immerge yourself into the story, a story of a brave girl risking everything to be with the man of her dreams, you heard and felt the horses come to a halt, but continued to read to finish your page. You felt some weight leave the carriage, but you still kept reading.

"Hey, brat. We're here. You can read that thing later, we have shit to do."

"Huh?", you turned your head to your left, where Captain Levi was standing as he debarked, starring right at you, "Oh, right. Sorry, Captain."

You closed your book and put it back with the rest of your stuff, dragging it out as best you could. As you set foot on the ground, you felt something grab your luggage and lift it up.

"Here, I'll give you a hand. It seems like you haven't quite recovered just yet."

You let go of your hold on your things and let the Captain carry it for you, as you followed by his side.

"I might've been a little too hard on myself yesterday."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well.. I used up two sets of blades on a few Titans. One pair bent a bit and got a little hard to keep using and the other was snapped in half."

"Snapping blades is normal, they're designed to break off in case they get stuck or hit something too hard. But bending blades? Even I never managed to do that. Only way you could do that is with a bad cutting technic. Guess we'll have to work on it."

"Probably, yeah. It would explain why my shoulders don't feel too great right about now, but I'm ready and willing for anything you have in store for me, Captain."

"Good. Start by unloading our supplies and packing them inside."

"Right away, sir!"

You turned around and headed towards the crates, prying them open with a few more recruits. You divided different supply runs to each other and you had taken on the rations. There was a surprising amount of black tea, but almost everything was low cost, filling foods. Packing everything inside took you about an hour and a half, mostly because the others on cleaning duty were very hellbent on you taking off your boots when you came in. 

You spent the rest of your day, until sunset, helping around with cleaning. By the end of it all, you fell face first into your bed, rolling over on your back lazily. You shared a room with Sasha this time, though she was still downstairs. Judging by the noise, her and a few others were getting grilled for their poor cleaning job. 

You finally sat up and reached out for your luggage, dragging it to you and swinging it on your bed. You stood up and opened it, carefully taking out it's content. You separated tops and bottoms, books and skin creams neatly on your bed, then placed them in your share of the furniture available. Though, you realized something- you had forgotten to pack the second volume of the book you were reading. You facepalmed and sighed in annoyance, then proceeded to exit the room and join up with everyone else in the dinning room.

Everyone's spirits seemed to be cheered up a bit while you shared that meal, as the room wasn't dead silent. Even still, after most of them finished their meals, they left without any haste to return to their rooms. Only you, Hange and Captain Levi were left. It didn't take too long for Hange to leave, however, as they had reports to look over.

You sat there quietly and turned your attention to the Captain, waiting to find something to say to him, though nothing really came to mind. Your eyes rested on his face, looking at it now, you realized he was actually quite handsome. You never really gave it much thought until now, but this relaxed, softer look seemed to come out a lot more recently.

"That look on your face. Something's bothering you?"

"Huh? Well.. maybe just a bit, yeah."

"Go on."

"You know that book I was reading earlier? Yeah, turns out my dumbass forgot to take the second volume with me and I'm nearly done with the first! Talk about luck..", you pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed.

"Oh, that shit? I can probably ask to have a copy sent over here next time we get more supplies."

"Wait, really?", your face lit up as you looked at him with the stupidest smile.

"Well, if a book's getting you that upset, it can't be that shitty."

"I don't know what to say, well, except thank you very much."

Captain Levi stood up and patted your head, ruffling your hair a bit in the process, but shortly after walked towards the teapot for a refill. You watched him as he walked away, a bit flustered, and you felt your face getting warmer. You lowered your head and looked at your hands, now squeezing each other on your lap.

"I don't quite understand why you're so caring recently, Lev- I mean Captain! All the extra training wasn't something I thought too much about, but now the special attention to my wellbeing is definitively something that makes me wonder why. Surely, I can't be that uniq-"

You felt a rolled up newspaper hit the top of your head softly and you squeaked quietly. You looked up, up at the Captain now standing right before you- cup of tea in one hand and newspaper in the other. He put it back down on the table, then sighed as he sat back down. 

"Honestly, brat, if have that much time to overthink every kind actions someone does for you, you should put it in doing something more production. I just felt like it, that's all." 

"I don't believe that for a second. Does it have something to do with the gift I left for you?"

"Hm, I had a funny feeling you were behind that. I could ask you the exact same shitty question, really."

"Well, truth be told, I just thought that maybe you needed a little something to cheer you up. With your injury at the time and all. Even still, it's not.."

You took a deep breath and set your hands straight on the table, to avoid fiddling with them any more than you already do. Your chest felt strange, oddly warm in a sense. It's like you were lifting a weight off your shoulders.

"It's really not something to go out of your way to pay me back for. Oh, by the way, how was it? It was from my family's place."

"I'm not a sweets person, but all things considered, it was good."

You softly looked at the Captain's face, while biting your lower lip. There was more you wanted to tell him, but you feared ever saying anything. Even still, the moment was perfect, so you opened your mouth and waited a bit to find the right words.

"I've.. felt strangely comfortable around you. At ease, even. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like there's a connection between the two of us. I know I probably sound crazy right about now, but what I'm trying to say is.. I care about you, Levi."

You immediately covered your mouth, realizing you slipped up again. Your gaze shied away from him, as you couldn't bring yourself to even look at his reaction. Seconds passed, but nothing came. He didn't seem to have much of a reaction, considering you didn't get hit with a newspaper again. You slowly moved your hands away from your mouth and looked over at the Captain. He sat there, speechless, but not in a bad way- his face was just as soft as before and a kind smile made its way. He nodded, perhaps to indicate he felt the same, since he wasn't a man of many words.

You stood up and started to walk out of the room, yawning on your way. You stretched your still stiff body and heard a crack in your back. "Oww.." was the only thing that came out of your mouth at that time, as you heard a quiet chuckle behind you.

"Tomorrow morning, after breakfast, meet me in the training field. We'll work on that sword technic, but for now, go get some damn rest already. That's an order, [Y/N]."

You have him a half-assed nod and walked back to your room, where Sasha was already asleep. You were careful to not make any sound as you changed into your pajamas and let your head hit the soft pillow, falling into a deep slumber.

* * *

Stretching your body, you waited for everyone else to get here. Eren and Hange obviously wouldn't be present for training, even then it's not like they really needed it. Sasha was the only one missing, which kinda stroke you the wrong way, considering she was up when you had left your room. 

A few more minutes passed and there she was, running with a piece of bread in her hand. Everyone collectively sighed and had varying disappointed looks as they saw her getting close.

Captain Levi went through the training plan for the day; ODM gear maneuvering. You already knew what to expect, but seeing the mixed reactions on everyone's face made you burst out the stupidest smile on your face. First, you had to race from point A to point B and then attack practice on fake wooden Titans.

The course was nothing too hard or complicated, but you could barely keep up with people like Mikasa and Jean. Much to your surprise, however, you arrived 3rd instead of 5th or 6th. You weren't ahead by much, but it was still worth noting that you definitively had improved.

Attack practice was a whole different thing, though. The Captain himself watched over everyone, making sure they weren't doing anything stupid. You heard him tell off Connie and Sasha a few times, even Mikasa for being "too aggressive on target practice". You tried that same attack that bent your blades several times and Captain Levi didn't take long to dish out the criticism.

"I see what's the problem now. Your grip on the hilt is shitty, brat. It's way too loose and it's a damn miracle you didn't sprain your wrists doing that."

He was standing by you and demonstrated how to get a good reverse grip. You did your best at trying to hold them like he did, but the only reaction you got was a sign of disappointment. He took your hands and placed them properly on the hilts, then ordered you to try it out that way- and it worked. You didn't feel the same awkward pull as you did before. 

"Good, now that you have that under wraps, you're gonna be doing that for the next few days. Morning will be exactly what you did today, you get an hour break at noon, your afternoon will be spent on workouts and your evenings are to rest. I'll be leaving at the end of the week, so that's your deadline. If you got that shit through your skull, then we can move on to something else- if you didn't, double the workload. Got that, brat?"

"Yes, sir!"

And that's what you did for the rest of the week; every morning you hit the training course, trying out some new slashing moves and ways to travel at a greater speed. Every afternoon, you put yourself through every kind of workout, which ended up making you so exhausted that you almost fell asleep during dinner time. The end of the week came, and so Hange and Levi left for Trost to pay Commander Erwin a little visit. They came back later that day, as you were cleaning the house along with the others, who were a bit more pre-occupied with arguing over food and wood than anything else. Eren left for one final experiment with Hange and you left for your final test with Captain Levi.

You did everything as you had practiced, with almost no trouble or faults at all. The Captain said absolutely nothing about the way you handled yourself, which meant he was satisfied.

"Good news, brat, you finally got your shit together."

You fell backyards on the ground, dirt flying up with the impact. You looked up at the sun and had a small moment of celebration to yourself, in silence. It didn't take too long for the Captain to lean in, blocking the view of the sun, however. He took something out of his pocket and dropped it on your stomach, then walked away. You moved your head back up and grabbed whatever that thing was with your hands and a smile grew large on your face.

"I managed to find your book. Thought it'd be a nice motivator."

You rolled back on your stomach and caught yourself back on your knees, standing up in one swift movement. You looked at him with that same bright smile and held the book in your arms.

"Thank you so much, Captain."

His entire attitude shifted once he saw the genuine smile on your face, going from his usual cold and stoic to something a little warmer. Perhaps he wasn't expecting you to be this happy over a simple book, but he had just made your day so much better. 

"You can thank me by fixing that piss poor excuse of whatever those kids call cleaning."

"On it right way!"

You wasted no time to hurry on back inside. You changed into something a little less uniform like, but still kept the usual pants with a white blouse. The usual get up, at this point.

You had the house to yourself for a little bit, as Captain Levi decided to go check up how the experiment was going with Eren. For about an hour, you did your best at cleaning every remote corner you could find, up until everyone else came in, Mikasa carrying an unconscious Eren to his room. 

That evening you sat by yourself at the kitchen table, finishing the first volume with a nice cup of tea. You had sort of hoped Levi would pass by, just to have an excuse to talk to him again, but he was probably too busy filling in reports with Hange about the whole hardening Titan ability thing.

The next day, after sleeping for an entire day, Eren came by to help out with the cooking, not that it really affected you, since you were tagging along with Captain Levi in the main room, waiting for scouting reports and for Hange to come back. You didn't have the usual lively conversation, just enjoying the silence together, occasionally gazing at each other. 

Hange came back and immediately called for a reunion in the main room with some not so great news. You took it upon yourself to gather everyone. 

"Now, what's this about?"

"I'm sorry, Pastor Nick.. he was murdered. Today, in the Trost barracks. I figured the church would want to get their hands on Nick when they learned he was cooperating with the Scouts. That's why I hid his identity and had him stay in the barracks. I never would have imagined they would have used soldiers to kill him... This was my fault, I should've been more careful."

Everyone took a seat in silence and digested the information they were just given. Most of the Levi Squad sat at the table, but you were by yourself on a couch, not too far from Hange and their crew.

"They tortured him, presumably for information. Did they just want to know what he had passed on to us?", Armin broke the silence that has instilled in the room.

"Most likely, but these are the interior MPs we're dealing with. So you can bet there's something deeper at work here.", the Captain turned his attention to Hange, sitting by the corner of the room, "Now, how many nails was the good pastor missing?

"Huh?"

"How many? You saw, right?"

"I only caught a glimspe of him, but all the nailbeds I saw were empty."

"People who talk, talk after one. If they don't, ripping off more won't make a difference.", Levi then turned his attention back to his Squad, "I'm impressed. I didn't think highly of Pastor Nick, but whatever his faults, he stuck by his beliefs until the end. Which means, they have no idea we know about the Reiss family, but the government is up to something- and we've got a target on our backs."

The sudden noise of a door opening drew your attention away from what the Captain was saying, as you held on to the side of the couch tighter. Your heart skipped a beat, afraid that maybe the MPs had found their way around here already.

"Captain Levi, sir. I have a message from Commander Erwin."

Nifa was the one to walk into that room, holding a letter from the Commander. You sighed to yourself out of relief, happy to know it wasn't someone from within trying to arrest everyone present. Captain Levi opened the note and read it, as Nifa continued.

  
"I went to tell him about Pastor Nick, but he gave me this and sent me off."

You kept your gaze focused on Levi's face, as it shifted into a frown, with the intonation in his voice getting more intense. 

"Get your gear, now. We're leaving.", he stood up in one swift go, "Make it look like we were never here."

You felt your heart sink the second those words left his mouth. Judging by his demeanor, the MPs could arrive any time between now and night fall, but you wasted no time running back to your room, packing your things are quickly as humanly possible. You made extra sure to leave absolutely nothing behind and ran back outside. The Levi Squad set out for Trost before sunset, doing everything in their power to avoid the MPs and make it to a safe hiding spot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will say,, goddamn its hard to stay as close to the timeline as possible sometimes fjhdwlks


	15. Tainting One's Sworn Humanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Scout Regiment were declared enemies of the State, as well as a threat to anyone within the Walls, Captain Levi divided a plan with the help of Hange from within. What was about to happen next, however, was the last thing anyone expected.

The Levi Squad had a short meeting on their plan of action the next day, all gathered around the Captain, with a single candle as a source of light. You were using an abandoned building as shelter and had to make absolutely sure to hide any evidence that you were even here, as it wouldn't take any time at all for the MPs to find your location. They had most certainly reached the house you were inhabiting just a few hours prior to sunset and they knew you would be somewhere hidden in Trost. 

"We'll have Jean and Armin pose as Eren and Historia, making sure to keep those two safe. They're the only ones present here who somewhat resemble the pair, so we'll have to make due. They'll take a carriage which we'll survey and make sure they cease control of instead of the one carrying Eren and Historia. Keiji will be with them and as for everyone else, I want you all to keep guard of everything above ground, where you can't be seen.", Captain Levi whispered clearly to his Squad.

Everyone had a mutual nod of agreement, as they looked over the map once more for their position. You took a quick look, but had a different idea in mind than what Levi had proposed. You walked over to him quietly discussing with Hange and Nifa and tapped him on the shoulder.

  
"Captain?", you whispered softly.

He turned to you, arms crossed, raising an eyebrow, but stayed silent. You understood it was your cue to speak your mind.

"About the plan of action, I'd like to ask you something. Would it be possible for me to patrol the streets on foot? To lure some of the MPs or whoever else is hired to do this job away. To give you and the others more ground to react and everything."

"Sounds pretty dangerous to me, brat. And also stupid. I won't stop you, but are you certain you want to do that? No one will be there to help you. I believe you can handle yourself, but.." he held his chin and lowered his head, seemingly lost in thought. 

"I'll be careful, I promise. I'll run away to distract them the second I run into any sort of trouble."

"It's not that.", he lifted his head up, "If I'm right about who I think is up to this, it'll get ugly. Actually, ugly doesn't even begin to describe it."

"I swore my life to you and I don't intend on taking it back, ever. I won't die out there, trust me."

"Fine, fine. I can't stop you either way, you're too stubborn. But whatever happens, never hesitate. They could be cold blooded killers and they won't think twice about it."

You were confused by what that even implied. Why would the MPs try to murder you? Wouldn't they just capture you? Then again, you were just a regular Scout to them- you probably aren't worth arresting. You simply nodded at his comment and inspected his face to see if anything had changed, but he just kept the same cold look he always had around a group of people. You parted ways with them and went your way, to get some amount of rest. 

Closing your eyes, as you rested against the hard floor covered in a shitty blanket, you thought back on Captain Levi's words. You pondered why the hesitating part even had to be mentioned, you were all trained to fight Titans, not humans. It barely made sense to you, but you could think of it less and less clearly as your drifted off. 

* * *

Your squad had all followed each other up until they broke off to their separate position for that mission. You were strolling around the streets of Trost, you were surprisingly empty at this time of day. The MPs had probably given a warning for the citizen to stay indoors, probably to have an easier time catching the Scouts. You had your usual ODM gear, along with a green cloak over yourself. It wasn't long enough to hide your gear properly, but it wouldn't fool anyone anyway. To most regular people, you looked like a disguised MP, but they themselves would know exactly who you are. 

Street corner after street corner was empty, with the occasional domestic pet roaming around. Turning one corner, you heard the voices of what seemed like 2 men and a women. You hugged against the wall and listened in, but couldn't make out just what they were talking about. Some few words came out, like money or job, but something sounded out of place. The words Scout Regiment was tossed in there, until you could clearly make it out. They were looking for Scout members.

You felt your legs tremble and get weaker. These were the guys chasing you and you were very much so outnumbered. In a rush of what could probably be stupidity or adrenaline, you turned around and tried to make a run for it. You felt a big hand grab your arm and yank you backwards, pulling you towards the person in question. You felt another hand grab the back of your head, then a hard blow to the knee made you fall over. Something knocked your head against the stones of the road, making your vision and senses blurry. You felt something warm run down your face from your forehead, as well as your nose. 

Looking down at the ground, your vision started to regain and you could see droplets of blood on the stones. You looked up in a panic, only to be greeted by the sight of a middle aged man, dirty and drunk. He held his hand out and grabbed you by the chin, forcing you to look at him.

"Is she the one?"

"Hmmm.. nope. Doesn't fit the description at all."

"Guess that means it doesn't matter what happens to her."

The two men started laughing in their drunken state, as one pulled you back up and held your arm twisted in your back. You felt a blade press against your throat and your eyes darted all over the place as you started to panic. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay, girly. We won't hurt you..", the same man who stood before you held your non-bloodied cheek, "ehhh, not unless you give us a reason to."

"So? Whaddya say?"

"She seems like she's in good shape. Kind of hard to tell with all the equipment and cloak, buuuut she'll do." 

"Let me go ri-"

The blade at your neck pressed harder, as you tried to tell them to let you be. They obviously had no intention of letting you go and you had no intention of figuring out what they want from you. You bit your lower lip and kicked the man holding you in the crotch, making him stumble over and fall to the ground, rolling in pain. The knife slipped pass your throat, leaving a very shallow cut. In a kneejerk reaction, you put your hand up to your throat, trying to stop the bleeding. In your panic, you hadn't realize the second man was taking a swing at you. At the last second, you threw yourself at the ground and picked up the knife. Right at this instant, you remembered what Captain Levi taught you and now was the best time to put it into action. The man tried to swing at you once more, and you dodged without any issues, he did the same again and again, but so did you. He swung again, but you caught his arm and slashed the knife across his neck, leaving a deep cut. His blood splattered on your white sleeves along with the motion, as he fell to the ground.

It took you a solid second to realize what you had just done. You just killed someone, without thinking about it twice. You looked at the knife and your breathing started to tremble. It was self defense, it was self defense. I would never-...

You heard the sound of someone moving behind you and you slowly turned your head over. The man you had put out of commission just a minute ago is getting back on his feet and he's harmed with a rifle. He grabbed it, while struggling to get back up on his feet, and started to load it with 2 bullets. You did the first thing you could think of and kicked him in the face, making him fall back on the ground. You grabbed his rifle and slid it on your back, dropping the knife, and grabbed the sword handle end of the gear, aiming them to launch yourself up on the rooftop.

Your mind was racing all over the place as you heard shouting behind you, distant variants of "After her!". You looked back to see 3 people chasing after you, with ODM gear. Theirs was different- they had some sort of guns instead of their blades and didn't wear the MP uniform. Could they be some sort of anti-personal squad formed to take down the Scouts? You didn't have the time to think about it too much, as the first few shots were fired. 

You grabbed on to a chimney and pushed yourself up over it with one hand, hiding behind it as you tried to figure something out. You could hear them approaching and you started to shake even more than before. You held your breath and grabbed the rifle, cocking it back with the loaded bullets, then moved to the side of the chimney and aimed at the nearest person. You pulled the trigger and somehow got a headshot first try. The screams of the 2 others as the woman hit the ground pierced through your soul, but they served as your giveaway cue to get out. 

You slid the rifle back on your back and glided your away across above the streets of Trost, being followed by Lord knows who. More shots could be heard from your left, so you spun to your right and back to your left to confuse them a bit, giving you a second more to think.

_C'mon, [Y/N], you have one shot left, 3 sets of blades left. Think of something, think_. You looked at the buildings surrounding you and thought of the stupidest and riskiest plan, but it was worth a shot with the situation you were in. You swung yourself backwards, up and over the pair pursuing you, aiming the rifle at one of them, pulling the trigger with no hesitation. Your aim was off and you landed that shot through their shoulder, forcing them off-balance. You used both your hands to throw the emptied rifle at them, weapon hitting them in the back, making them lose all altitude or balance, crashing head first into a house right below them. You loaded a set of blades on your hilts and launched yourself at the last remaining person, slicing through their waist. 

You landed on a nearby roof and ran across it, jumping from roof to roof with the help of your ODM gear. Your cloak was soaked in blood, your face was a mix of sweat, tears and blood. You couldn't think straight, but the reality started to hit you- you had just murdered 4 people. Subconsciously, you made a run for it towards Captain Levi's initial position, hoping that maybe he would be there. In your sprint, you heard the sound of a pair of ODM gear coming from your left and from the corner of your eye, you could tell they weren't on your side. You jumped back into the void between the roofs and glided your way between them, now being chased by 2 other people. 

You slowed down, hoping to close the gap between you two, to win the close range advantage, but the shots were fired a lot earlier than you had hoped. You turned around and swung both your blades in the air, releasing them towards the assailant, reflecting the bullets. The set of blades flew straight into the person's chest, though some of the bullets ricocheted right into your shoulder. You bit your lips in pain and held in the urge to yell, opting to recharge your blades. 

The last remaining person seemed to be struck with shock, so you took the window of opportunity and swung yourself above them, grabbing on to the ground, spinning your way Levi style down towards them, cutting through them with ease. You caught yourself back at the last second, launching yourself straight into a building. That move was a step above your level, you had no clue how you even pulled it off like that.

You broke through a window, bottom of your boots first, landing perfectly on your feet, you ran through the second floor of that house and broke through the window on the opposite side the exact same way. You swung yourself on a completely different street corner, then zig zagged through the streets, heading up occasionally to spot the others. In the distance, you saw a carriage with who you would only imagine to be more Scouts. You hurried your away over there as quickly as possible. Flying through a street into another, you landed on the wall of a house and ran against it for a few seconds, then jumped and spun around to the ground, running across the deserted street, catching up to the others. 

Captain Levi was holding back an angered Mikasa, while the others stood there, angry and confused. You couldn't muster up the energy or force to ask what the hell was happening and you felt your legs failing you. You fell to your knees and used your blades to support yourself back up, struggling to even stand. Your eyes glossed back and fourth over at your blood stained hands. You felt your heart sink as the scenarios of everything passed through your mind once more. Your hands started to shake, as tears formed in your eyes, your breathing was trembling.

You felt a hand on your shoulder shake you, but you couldn't take your eyes or mind off what was in front of you at that moment. You heard voices around you, but you couldn't focus on any of them. You felt and saw a familiar hand grab yours and you raised your head up. Your panicked gaze met with Captain Levi's, who took out a piece of cloth, wiping the blood off your blades clean. 

"Hey, [Y/N], can you stand?"

You swallowed your surprise and nodded to his question, raising yourself back up slowly, as he helped you up. You stumbled a bit on your way, while following them, but Levi stayed nearby you to make sure you wouldn't collapse or lose foot.

* * *

Back at "base", you were idly sitting by on a box, clutching yourself with a warm blanket wrapped around you. Still drenched in blood and sweat, your body was shaking and your eyes were watery. Your head was blank, empty, without a thought. All you could see were flashes of those men grabbing you, followed by the mercilessness you showed while killing your pursuers.

You heard a creek of a door, but couldn't be bothered to look up. You felt a shadow stand before you and raised your eyes up slowly. Captain Levi stood in front of you, holding a bucket with a clean cloth in one hand and tools to treat your wounds in the other. The look on his face was something you had never seen in him before- a mix of relief and terror.

He took a knee down in front of you and gently removed the blanket from you, examining thoroughly your injuries. He then tore the clean cloth to get rid of any excess water and gently passed it through your wounds and affected areas.

"C-Captain...", you muttered while swallowing your saliva, "how.. how was it? The first time you had to take someone's life."

He stopped what he was doing and raised his head up to meet your gaze, his face seemingly softening up after you finally spoke.

"Can't say. I remember feeling something within me snapping and I knew what I had to do. Morally, I knew it wasn't right, but nothing stopped me from doing it."

You couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped your lips after hearing his words. You didn't really understand what any of that meant, well how could you?

"Sometimes we have to abandon our humanity, put aside morality to survive. You did what you had to do today, because if you didn't kill them, they would've killed you. I'm not asking you to think you did the right thing, I'm asking you to understand that you weren't given a choice at that moment."

You stayed silent. You opened your mouth, trying to think of an answer. You wanted to scream and say this was madness, but something inside of you prevented you from doing it. Deep down, you knew he was right. Captain Levi resumed, not paying much attention to your reaction.

He stopped at the light opening in your throat and looked at it, with a completely different look on his face. Sighing, he gently went over it, mopping up the little blood present.

"[Y/N]."

"Yes, Captain?"

"What.. happened out there?"

"Um..", you took a deep breath and held your hands together, "I was carefully patrolling the streets when I overheard some people talking about the Scouts. In a panic, I tried to run away, but.. they caught me. Two men with probably less than favorable plans for me, so with a knife to my throat, I knew that doing nothing and going along with it wasn't an option. I thought back and the knife slipped across my skin. I ran away afterwards and was chased down by a few of them. I was so scared, I just... I dunno. Something inside of me told me it wasn't time to hesitate, so I didn't. Every other injury was caused during the chase."

Levi nodded and took out a bottle of pure alcohol. With another piece of clean cloth, he poured a bit of the liquid on it and proceeded to softly apply it over your lighter wounds. Using some bandages, he carefully stuck them to your forehead and neck, to prevent anything from infecting those sensitive areas.

He pressed gently around your shoulder, looking at you from the corner of his eye to see your reaction. Your face contorted in pain, as you bit your lower lip, holding back the urge to scream. He moved his hand to your collar and unbuttoned the first two buttons. 

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything. I just need to see your shoulder. Looks like the bullet is still in there, it'd be good to get it out." 

He unbuttoned a few more buttons, enough to be able to pull down the sleeve from your shoulder. With a knife, the raven haired man slowly plied it out of your shoulder, immediately covering the hole as the bullet fell out, preventing any blood from spreading around. Captain Levi put his hand over your mouth and poured a bit of the alcohol in the open wound. Mere seconds later, you started to kick and reel out of pain, screaming through his hand. 

A few seconds pass and the initial infernal pain starts to fade, as does your protesting. Slowly, the Captain removes his hand from your mouth and stares with a concerned look at you before proceeding any further. Grabbing a needle with some string, he carefully starts to sew the hole closed. You grinned every time the needle pierced through your skin.

"Hey, Captain. What exactly happened to Eren and Historia?"

"They were taken. Whoever hired those guys saw right through us, knew what we had planned and pinned us into a corner. They were taken somewhere, but they're definitively still alive. No one would have much use with them if they were dead anyway."

"Taken? But where?", you leaned closer to him, but he immediately pushed you back in your up straight position.

"Not sure. We're trying to get someone to talk, but.. well, regardless. No one's in any shape to go find them for now, especially not you."

"Right.."

Sewing the last part of thread, he pulled them closed and tied the loose ends together, then wrapping some bandages around your shoulder. Levi pulled your sleeve over your shoulder again and buttoned up your blouse once more. While he was trying to reach for the things he had left on the floor, you wrapped your weakened arms around him, holding him as tightly as you could. Tears were forming in your eyes, as you tried to choke them back.

He didn't try to move out of your grasp, nor did he put up a fight. You felt his head rest on you for a brief second, before he lifted it up a bit once more. You stayed like this for a few minutes, though something within you wished this could last longer in a different situation. 

Your arms slid down, unconsciously caressing his back on their way down. You could see a slight smile on his face while he gathered his things and stood up, but it disappeared as soon as his eyes locked with yours. It almost felt like he was hiding it from you.

"I-I-I.. Captain, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, I-"

"I'm just glad you're still alive, brat."

Shock ran over your face, with a slight hint of blushing. You caught a glimpse of a soft smile as he turned towards the door and made his way towards it. A gentle "Levi.." escaped your lips, which made him slow down.

"As much as I'd like to stay longer, Hange is going to be here any minute now. You go get changed and get some rest."

He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, swinging it open as he stepped foot outside.

"Wait! I just.. wanted to say thank you. For taking care of my wounds like that."

  
"Don't mention it." 

And with those words, he was gone. You took a few seconds to let everything sink in and grabbed the blanket from the ground, holding it in your non-injured arm as you walked out of the room, towards where all the luggage was kept. 

You grabbed a different blouse, this one being more of a dark gray with the uniform's regular white pants. You changed from your dirty, bloody and filthy clothes to something cleaner and more well suited. While putting away your things, flashes of the Captain's face came over you. His more gentle like looks he had with you in private recently made your heart race, but you couldn't quite understand why. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO SORRY this took so long to put out. I had a lot of complications irl making it really hard to find the right time or even having the motivation to write anything down, I promise I'm not done with this fic at all >.>


	16. Criminals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After surviving the attack in Strohess District, Captain Levi and his squad hide elsewhere to avoid being found out by the MPs. With no progress made with the whereabouts of Eren and Historia, the group starts to worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited the last part of this chapter a bit, I wasn't too happy with how I ended it my first time around whoops

The sun had just risen up as you entered the forest that would serve as your new camp. Captain Levi had the entire squad leave before dawn, as we had definitively overstayed our welcome in the city. The MPs were definitively going to catch up to you and the others sooner or later, but here you all had some form of advantage. 

Jean, Mikasa and Armin had stayed behind to keep an eye out for anything new that came up, so at present only Sasha, Connie, the Captain and you were present. You could overhear Sasha and Connie quietly discussing, but you didn't pay too much attention to it. You sat by a tree, your back pressed against it, rethinking everything that had happened yesterday. Every time you blinked, you could see flashes of the horrors you had committed. 

Your body was hurting, you weren't really in any capacity to fight at the moment. It'd be some shit if the MPs showed up now, you'd probably just be deadweight. "Kill or be killed", those words repeated themselves in your head as you thought about every scenario. You closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself, but your breathing was getting heavier as you felt the blood splatter on you once again. As much as you tried to clear your mind, the same images came up over and over. Then, the feeling of being grabbed like you were in that street corner before it all began came over you and you held out a audible gasp, followed by a panicked breathing. 

Your eyes were wide open, so was your mouth as you looked down at the ground, tears forming in your eyes. You could feel your chest tightening, as breathing became harder and harder. In your frenzy, you heard a familiar voice followed by your body being shaked by something. 

Your turned your head to the side, to see the Captain with a concerned look as he called out your name, shaking you back to reality. You looked around you and found yourself to still be in your new camp. Your gaze met with Sasha and Connie's, as they looked every bit as concerned as the Captain.

"[Y/N], are you alright?"

You turned your attention back to the raven-haired man and opened your mouth, unsure how to even answer his question. You uttered "I'm fine" under your breath as you regained your composure. With one arm, you grabbed on to the tree for support, lifting yourself up. You grinned as you tried to keep your injured shoulder in place, but you felt a warm arm wrap itself around you, helping you up.

"Take it easy, brat. You're in barely any condition to be straining yourself." 

He helped you walk over closer to the others, as you all sat down together. You reached out and grabbed your necklace from underneath your top and pulled it out, looking at it as if to comfort yourself. A slight smile came over you, forgetting all about everything that has been plaguing you.

A few minutes pass by and the others who were still in town came back. They filled us in about our supposed arrest warrants and the massive target on our heads at this very moment, as well as a poorly drawn portrait of the Captain. You stopped paying attention as they discussed the situation with the MPs, not really wishing to remember any of it for now. 

"So, Captain, what now?", Armin followed up after his description of how exactly the MPs are handling all this. 

"We need to hurry and find Eren!"

"He'll be fine. They're taking him on a wagon. That gives us one day before they reach Reiss' estate and we need every second we can get before we come up with a plan."

  
Before he could even propose a plan, Sasha cut in. 

"Captain, I hear footsteps." 

Everyone went silent and turned their attention to their surroundings. You could hear the cracking of branches, followed with the sound of something stepping on grass. It HAD to be the MPs or some civilians that followed the trio back here.

Immediately, Sasha, Connie and you take cover after the Captain gestures to you to do so. Not surprising, considering your condition at the time. You could hear them speaking in the distance, but couldn't quite make out what was going on exactly. You held your injured shoulder tightly as you tried to hold in any sound of discomfort from crouching next to a rock. 

Some few minutes pass by and everything goes silent. The others and you all look at each other with inrigued looks and raise an eyebrow. You a pair of footsteps come back, followed by a more than familiar voice. 

"Hey, brats. Come out." 

You all crawled out of your hiding spot and looked at the Captain with the most intrigued look on your faces. He and Mikasa were walking calmly as if nothing happened, then Armin followed behind them. 

"Huh?", you expressed out loud. 

"Just two rookies. The MPs probably sent them because they were too scared shitless to try and find us themselves."

"So.. what did you do with them, Captain?", Sasha sat down and scratched her head. 

"Jean is putting them up to a test." 

You all looked at each other, now even more confused than before. In perfect sync, you looked back at him and said "What?".

"It's simple; if they pass, we could use their help. If they don't, they can stay here attached to a tree or something until their higher ups find them. We need all the help we can get and they might just come in handy."

Armin stepped in, clearing up what's actually going on, "They didn't seem too happy with the MPs actions, so we're using that to our advantage. If we can make it pass the roadblocks disguised, we can snoop around and find some info about Eren, that's already a lead. Our chances aren't too great, but we need to take every risk necessary. We're dead regardless of whether or not we do something."

You nodded, as did the others, now understanding the bigger picture. The plan was so flawed, it barely made any sense, but what choice did you really have? Fighting your way through would be stupid- the MPs are far better equipped than the Scout Regiment, especially this runaway squad. 

"There's only one problem, my injuries would definitively give us away. The MPs may fall for our disguise, but they knew for a fact they wouldn't send out hurt soldiers to track down Humanity's Strongest and his squad."

"Which is why I hope you have decent acting skills, brat. You're gonna need to grin and bare the pain for now."

You nodded once more, understanding you couldn't put the plan at any more shitty odds than it is. You couldn't stay back either, as the MPs would 100% find you and torture the information out of you. No matter what you did, at this point, you were sort of fucked regardless.

A few minutes pass by and Jean returns, which marked the beginning of the second phase of your plan. 

* * *

Taking over the stronghold of the MPs wasn't too hard, they seemed poorly experienced and badly coordinated. Your squad took the commending officer captive and made sure to properly arm yourself up for the upcoming MPs that would surely come near this place. 

Captain Levi dragged the man out by the forest and began questioning him. You were turned away from it, looking into the dark, nightly woods. You could hear everything, but you refused to even turn to look. With a rifle in hand, you turned your gaze across your line of sight, trying to bury out the screams of pain from the man. Whatever was going on, it was definitively not something you wanted to witness. 

_Kenny Ackerman. Ackerman. As in, Mikasa Ackerman?_ You overheard the name Ackerman in their conversation, was this Kenny somehow perhaps related to Mikasa, you wondered. Whatever it may be, it seemed to be something deeper than just a target on your backs now.

Some ruffling was heard and you immediately ducked, loading your rifle, aiming it into the tall grass ahead of you. Everyone else did the same, as you awaited the ambush, ready to strike. The quick movement followed by the position you put yourself in was taking a toll on your injuries. You tried to choke the urge to scream as much as you could.

Out of the blue, the people ahead of you pulled down your hoods and Levi immediately ordered everyone to stand down. You stood up, confused, and squinted your eyes to see Hange approaching, along with Moblit. You pulled back to a more secluded area and set up to discuss the situation. Hange went over everything that went down in our absence and informed you that the Scouts were no longer criminals or wanted. Everyone jumped, cheering, yelling out their joy, as did you, well, however you could

. 

Hange handed a book over to Levi and after they explained why, he glossed over it, flipping through the pages rapidly. Time was running low, he had to find any kind of information in it. The order was then given to pack up and set out- to an old chapel owned by the Reiss family. 

You sat by Mikasa and on your way there, Hange explained it's existence and just exactly why you had high chances of finding Eren and Historia there. She was a bastard child, left to live with an unloving mother, until she was murdered and Historia taken in to completely change her identity. Whatever it may be, Captain Levi brought up the possibility that maybe Historia had something special about her, but Hange was unsure. You wondered the possibility and it didn't completely sound too out of the blue. She had a completely different identity, it must be to hide something important.

Hange brought up the theory that perhaps a Titan attack is behind all this, which left you to wonder- what exactly did they want with Eren? Your mind wondered as you considered the possibilities, as it obviously had to be something about his powers, but what exactly?

"You should understand, this is Kenny the Ripper.", you snapped out of your deep thoughts and looked up at the Captain, "If he's there, he's our biggest obstacle. In terms of his threat level, it's like you'd be fighting me or wait.. with those weapons of his, he'd be stronger."

"But he's unbeatable.. at least for us.", Sasha followed. 

"Maybe we should wait and meet up with other soldiers..", proposed Connie. 

"No chance in hell!", the young Ackerman cut in.

"Right! Of course not! If we wait for reinforcements, then Eren might get eaten."

"Well, you know, based on what the Captain just told us, the odds won't be entirely in Kenny's favor.", Armin exclaimed. 

"You really think so?" 

"Yeah. His squad is well trained, but we have way more combat experience."

"Have to ask, but how is it that you lived with Kenny the Ripper but know next to nothing about him? Did the two of you never talk?", the Section Commander turned their attention to Levi, now wondering the logistics of any of this. 

"Not much. I only just learned the man's last name, dunno if you heard, but it's Ackerman.", Captain Levi turned to Mikasa, "Might be a relative of yours."

Mikasa started explaining her heritage, well, from her father's side. Your tried your best to pay attention, but you couldn't focus much any longer, as your mind wondered off again. It seemed all too convenient for some reason. The same man who lived with Levi is also now related to Mikasa and helped in the kidnapping of Eren? Could the world within the walls be so small that everything related to each other, or was there something else going on. You chain of thought was intense, almost as if you weren't even aware of where you were present anymore. The sudden stop of the wagon snapped you out of it and as you looked at the old chapel, dread came over you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters from now on may take a few weeks to come out instead of a few days, I hope it's not too big of an inconvenience to anyone but i'm not done with this project any time soon

**Author's Note:**

> Just finished AoT season 3 and DAMN,, i just love Levi so much fjkdsfhej this is completely self indulgent im sorry


End file.
